From the Gospel according to John 3:13-17

Exaltation of the Holy Cross

Today we celebrate the Exaltation of the Holy Cross as a sign of the extraordinary love that God has for us. This Gospel reveals to us how God loves and, therefore, how we are called to love in marriage: a love that gives itself, lifts the other person up, and seeks their salvation rather than their condemnation.

The word “give” takes on a very profound meaning. Loving one’s husband or wife does not simply consist of feeling affection, having beautiful moments together, or seeking our own happiness as a couple. To love is to give ourselves to the other person, to place our own lives at the service of their good, and to learn, little by little, to give our lives for the other.

Jesus speaks of being “lifted up,” because although the cross seems to be a place of defeat and death, it becomes the place where Jesus reveals the greatest love: He gives His life to save us.

Every marriage has moments of “desert”: tiredness, arguments, wounds, disappointments, financial difficulties, family concerns… And in those moments, we can fall into the temptation of looking only at the other person’s faults: “Look what you have done to me,” “It’s your fault,” “You always do the same thing.” But Jesus invites us to lift our eyes toward Him.

The cross reminds us that true love does not mean that there will never be difficulties, but rather that love can pass through those difficulties without ceasing to love.

We can choose either to close ourselves in on ourselves or to lift our love higher: to ask for forgiveness even when we believe we are right, to listen when we are tired, to give up our comfort for the good of the other, to care for our spouse in their vulnerability, or to remain faithful when we are going through a difficult season.

Applied to Married Life:

Molly: I’m seeing more and more clearly that our model to follow, and the way we are called to love, is the way Christ teaches us in the Gospel. God gave Himself so that we, too, may give ourselves to one another.

Leo: Yes. And I’m also seeing more and more clearly that, in our marriage, this has to show itself in the little things. Sometimes giving my life for you doesn’t mean doing something extraordinary, but listening to you even when I’m tired, giving in, helping you, or simply being there.

Molly: And something I’m learning from Jesus is that He did not come to judge, but to save. Because we often do exactly the opposite: we judge each other.

Leo: Absolutely. During an argument, it’s so easy to think, “You always do this,” or “It’s your fault.” And perhaps Jesus invites us to change the question: not “Who is to blame?” but “How would Christ act in this situation?”

Molly: That changes things a lot. Because when I stop wanting to be right, I can begin to seek you instead.

Leo: And that’s where the cross comes in. Not as something we have to go looking for, but as those moments when loving becomes difficult. That’s where we can decide whether to move away from each other or draw closer.

Molly: And we have to try to learn to look at each other as He looks at us.

Leo: Yes. With our faults, our wounds, and our limitations… but without ever ceasing to believe that the other person is a gift from God to me, just as they are.

Molly: And now, as the ultimate proof that we are learning to love each other…

Leo: What?

Molly: I’ll let you suggest what we watch on television tonight.

Leo: Now that is a truly redemptive act of self-sacrifice!

Molly: Well… don’t get too excited. I said suggest, not choose whatever you want.

Leo: Ah… then we still have a long way to go on the road to holiness.

Mother,

teach us to give ourselves without reservation, and to lift each other up when the cross comes. Praised be the Cross of Christ.

GOSPEL OF THE DAY

From the Gospel according to Matthew 18:21-35

Peter approached Jesus and asked him,

“Lord, if my brother sins against me,

how often must I forgive?

As many as seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.

That is why the kingdom of heaven may be likened to a king

who decided to settle accounts with his servants.

When he began the accounting,

a debtor was brought before him who owed him a huge amount.

Since he had no way of paying it back,

his master ordered him to be sold,

along with his wife, his children, and all his property,

in payment of the debt.

At that, the servant fell down, did him homage, and said,

‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back in full.’

Moved with compassion the master of that servant

let him go and forgave him the loan.

When that servant had left, he found one of his fellow servants

who owed him a much smaller amount.

He seized him and started to choke him, demanding,

‘Pay back what you owe.’

Falling to his knees, his fellow servant begged him,

‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’

But he refused.

Instead, he had the fellow servant put in prison

until he paid back the debt.

Now when his fellow servants saw what had happened,

they were deeply disturbed, and went to their master

and reported the whole affair.

His master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant!

I forgave you your entire debt because you begged me to.

Should you not have had pity on your fellow servant,

as I had pity on you?’

Then in anger his master handed him over to the torturers

until he should pay back the whole debt.

So will my heavenly Father do to you,

unless each of you forgives your brother from your heart.”

The Word of the Lord

 

From “you owe me” to “I give myself”

Have you asked God for the gift of Forgiveness? Sin makes us keep accounts: “you owe me”, and the debt ends up conditioning everything in my marriage. Jesus teaches me that to forgive is to stop looking at the debt and to look again at the other person. A gaze of compassion that allows me to see their suffering, beyond the hurt they have caused me; to renounce collecting what is owed and, united to Christ, to offer for their good the pain of my wound — which still hurts.

It is moving from “you owe me” to “I give myself”. And that is supernatural. ASK FOR IT! Be brave. You will experience the Life of Christ, the freest man who has ever walked the face of the earth.

Applied to married life

Mary had been distant from her husband John for days. Inside, she kept a running tally: “You didn’t listen to me; you came home late again; you didn’t even ask how I was…”

One night she found John exhausted. For a moment she stopped seeing the man who “owed” her so many things and saw her husband again: tired, wounded, and also in need of understanding. She felt compassion and wanted to draw near… but she couldn’t. Her wound held her back.

The next morning she rose early and, before the Lord present in the Tabernacle, said: “Lord, I can’t. Do it in me.”

That evening, sustained by the grace of her sacrament, she approached John, took his hand, and asked him sincerely:

— How are you?

The wound was still there, but it no longer ruled her. Mary had taken the first step: stopping the desire to collect what was owed and beginning to give herself. Christ had begun to work in her heart.

 

Mother,

Show us the mercy of your Son. May He be blessed and praised for ever, He who redeemed us with His Blood.

GOSPEL OF THE DAY

From the Gospel according to Luke 6:43-49

Jesus said to his disciples:

“A good tree does not bear rotten fruit,

nor does a rotten tree bear good fruit.

For every tree is known by its own fruit.

For people do not pick figs from thornbushes,

nor do they gather grapes from brambles.

A good person out of the store of goodness in his heart produces good,

but an evil person out of a store of evil produces evil;

for from the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks.

“Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ but not do what I command?

I will show you what someone is like who comes to me,

listens to my words, and acts on them.

That one is like a man building a house,

who dug deeply and laid the foundation on rock;

when the flood came, the river burst against that house

but could not shake it because it had been well built.

But the one who listens and does not act

is like a person who built a house on the ground

without a foundation.

When the river burst against it,

it collapsed at once and was completely destroyed.”

The Word of the Lord

 

Fruits of the Heart

In this Gospel the Lord speaks to us very plainly: the fruits we bear reveal the true state of our heart. Our deeds and our words are the reflection of what we carry within. What fruits are we producing? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness? Or, on the contrary, discord, envy, hostility, impurity, division, rivalry?

Spouses, to bear good fruit we must fill our hearts with what is good; and if we want to bear fruits of love, we must fill our hearts with love — true love, the Love of God. And for this, Jesus also gives us the formula: draw near to Him, listen to His Word, and put it into practice. Only by fulfilling these three conditions can we build our marriage and our family upon solid rock. If even one is missing, we build on sand.

But if we fill our hearts with the Love of God, that Love will overflow and produce extraordinary fruits in our marriage and in our family. What are we waiting for to let ourselves be filled with the Love of God?

Applied to married life

Abby: What are you thinking about, Matt? You seem miles away.

Matt: No, nothing, Abby… well, just how to organise myself so I can go to my team’s match this afternoon. You know I like going to the court with my friends.

Abby: Oh honestly… you’re always thinking about football. What have you filled your heart with? If you like, to find out what’s in our hearts, I suggest we both go over what we’ve talked about yesterday and today. I’ll do it too. And let’s see what comes out. What do you think?

Matt: Alright, sounds like a good idea, could be helpful. Let’s see… I’ve talked about things from work, politics, economics, sport… phew! Looks like my heart is full of the things of this world.

Abby: I was talking with my colleagues at work about fashion and criticising some people. And at home I’ve been focused on the children’s tasks and keeping everything tidy… Goodness, I’m realising that my heart is also full of the things of this world.

Matt: We’ve hardly spoken about love, or about God. We haven’t thanked Him, we haven’t praised Him… We haven’t made any effort to help each other draw closer to Him, we haven’t gone deeper into one another to understand more of God’s plans for us. I can see my heart is dry. Like this, it can’t bear good fruit — not for you, not for the children, not for anyone…

Abby: We can’t carry on like this. We need to set ourselves a timetable and reserve time so we don’t miss the most important part of the day: filling our hearts with what is good. Praying more. And not failing in our conjugal prayer.

Matt: Well then, that’s settled. From this very moment — let’s get to it!

 

Mother,

Teach us to empty our hearts of the things of the world so that we may fill them with God, like you, and thus bear fruits of Love. Blessed and glorious are you, Mother! May the Lord be praised for ever!

GOSPEL OF THE DAY

From the Gospel according to Luke 6:39-42

Jesus told his disciples a parable:

“Can a blind person guide a blind person?

Will not both fall into a pit?

No disciple is superior to the teacher;

but when fully trained,

every disciple will be like his teacher.

Why do you notice the splinter in your brother’s eye,

but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own?

How can you say to your brother,

‘Brother, let me remove that splinter in your eye,’

when you do not even notice the wooden beam in your own eye?

You hypocrite!  Remove the wooden beam from your eye first;

then you will see clearly

to remove the splinter in your brother’s eye.”

The Word of the Lord

 

Justice

On the day we receive the Sacrament of Matrimony, we seal a Covenant of three: the husband, the wife, and Our Lord Jesus Christ. It is a commitment between two people in which Christ is present, sustaining, guiding, and strengthening the love of the spouses. He remains always faithful, but we, as spouses, have a fallen nature that can make us stumble time and again.

In this Gospel, Jesus points out the gravest sin we can commit against our spouse: judgement. He does not tell us what the “speck” in the other consists of (it may be anything from a small lie to infidelity), but He does clearly tell us what the beam in our own eye is: we see the sin and condemn without showing any Mercy, with an implacable judgement.

Let us remember the teachings of Our Master: we must be meek and humble of heart. And if we look upon our spouse in their falls in this way, we will see not the sin, but the sinner, and we will be able to help them rise again with the boundless Love with which the Lord gave Himself for us.

Applied to married life

Mike: Today marks 25 years since the attack on the Twin Towers in New York.

Anna: Goodness me! Twenty‑five years already. I remember perfectly where we were at that moment.

Mike: Yesterday I saw in a documentary that the Towers didn’t fall because of the impact of the plane, but because the structure was made of metal beams, and they softened due to the extremely high temperature of the burning fuel.

Anna: The way they collapsed was astonishing — in a matter of seconds, an emblem of New York and the United States came crashing down.

Mike: And everything that came afterwards… We need to pray a lot.

Anna: This reminds me of the Gospel we heard at Mass — removing the beam from our own eye before offering fraternal correction to a brother.

Mike: Well, our beam can be melted in the burning Love of the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

Anna: Brilliant! I love how you relate everything to Our Lord; every day you help me draw closer to Him, in every conversation we have. And I ask Him to teach me to love you each day with that ardent love of His Heart.

Mike: You’re so lovely. Give me a kiss.

Mother

We love you so much! Thank you for everything you have given us through Proyecto Amor Conyugal. How many graces we have received! How many marriages healed! Here we are, ready to help you fulfil the Will of the Father, whatever you may need. May the Most Holy Trinity — God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit — be praised for ever!

GOSPEL OF THE DAY

From the Gospel according to Luke 6:27-38

Jesus said to his disciples:
“To you who hear I say, love your enemies,
do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you,
pray for those who mistreat you.
To the person who strikes you on one cheek,
offer the other one as well,
and from the person who takes your cloak,
do not withhold even your tunic.
Give to everyone who asks of you,
and from the one who takes what is yours do not demand it back.
Do to others as you would have them do to you.
For if you love those who love you,
what credit is that to you?
Even sinners love those who love them.
And if you do good to those who do good to you,
what credit is that to you?
Even sinners do the same.
If you lend money to those from whom you expect repayment,
what credit is that to you?
Even sinners lend to sinners,
and get back the same amount. 
But rather, love your enemies and do good to them,
and lend expecting nothing back;
then your reward will be great
and you will be children of the Most High,
for he himself is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked.
Be merciful, just as also your Father is merciful.

“Stop judging and you will not be judged.
Stop condemning and you will not be condemned.
Forgive and you will be forgiven.
Give and gifts will be given to you;
a good measure, packed together, shaken down, and overflowing,
will be poured into your lap.
For the measure with which you measure
will in return be measured out to you.”

The Word of the Lord

 

Giving Without Expecting Anything in Return

Jesus does not merely speak about feeling love for those who hurt us. He invites us not to repay evil with evil, but to respond to those who hurt us with goodness; to place those who have wounded us into God’s hands; and to make love of neighbour a concrete rule of life, imitating the way God treats us.

True Christian love is revealed when we give without expecting anything in return, and the mercy we extend to others gradually transforms our own hearts.

A marriage is not sustained because spouses find it easy to love one another. Rather, it endures when they learn to love each other through difficulties, in those moments when the other person hurts us, disappoints us, or simply becomes difficult to love.

It is very easy for a marriage to fall into the mindset of treating the other person exactly as they treat us, of responding to hurt with hurt. But Jesus calls us to treat others as we would want them to treat us.

Mercy means looking at the other person not only through the lens of their mistakes and failures, but also with an awareness of their weakness, their weariness, their past, and their sins. In doing so, we begin to see them with the same compassion and understanding that God shows to us.

 

Applied to Married Life

Ralph: Hi Rose, I’m home now. How was your first day back at work after the holidays?

Rose: It’s so good to have you home. Well, my first day was a bit difficult. I’ve already had a major disagreement with a colleague, and it’s not the first time.

Ralph: You must be joking. The same colleague who got you caught up in that conflict with your manager? I thought you’d sorted things out.

Rose: The very same. I can’t believe it was her, but she’s done something quite damaging and made me look bad in front of the whole team. I’m already thinking of ways to pay her back in kind.

Ralph: I don’t think it’s quite as bad as that. Besides, you know that responding badly to someone who has hurt you doesn’t do you any good. Quite the opposite, in fact. In the end, you always come out better when you treat others the way you would like to be treated.

Rose: That’s easy to say when it hasn’t happened to you. But this time she’s really crossed the line, and we’re right back where we were before. On other occasions I’ve let it go, and it achieved nothing. In fact, talking things through with her helped at the time, but it seems to have made no difference at all.

Ralph: Don’t forget what we used to be like. We would react to each other based on what we received from one another. But now we don’t wait for the other person to make the first move before doing something good. Instead, we both give our all so that we can live in harmony, even though we still make plenty of mistakes.

Rose: You’re right, Ralph. I’ve come home very angry, and I’m not acting in the way I know I should. My first instinct, in my weakness, is to treat her just as badly as she’s treated me. But I’m sure there must be a reason why she’s behaving this way. Tomorrow I’ll speak to her and see if we can sort it out.

Ralph: That’s my girl, always willing to give everything for others regardless of how they treat you. You show me that every day, and it helps me enormously in my own daily life.

 

Mother,

help us to love as Christ teaches us, even when it is difficult. Blessed be God.