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Love More Where It Hurts. Reflections for Married Couples. Matthew 20, 1-16

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Gospel of the Day

From the Gospel according to Matthew 20, 1–16
At that time: Jesus told his disciples this parable, ‘The kingdom of heaven is like a master of a house who went out early in the morning to hire labourers for his vineyard. After agreeing with the labourers for a denarius a day, he sent them into his vineyard. And going out about the third hour he saw others standing idle in the market-place, and to them he said, “You go into the vineyard too, and whatever is right I will give you.” So they went. Going out again about the sixth hour and the ninth hour, he did the same. And about the eleventh hour he went out and found others standing. And he said to them, “Why do you stand here idle all day?” They said to him, “Because no one has hired us.” He said to them, “You go into the vineyard too.”
‘And when evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his steward, “Call the labourers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last, up to the first.” And when those hired about the eleventh hour came, each of them received a denarius. Now when those hired first came, they thought they would receive more, but each of them also received a denarius. And on receiving it they grumbled at the master of the house, saying, “These last worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the day and the scorching heat.” But he replied to one of them, “Friend, I am doing you no wrong. Did you not agree with me for a denarius? Take what belongs to you and go. I choose to give to this last worker as I give to you. Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or do you begrudge my generosity?” So the last will be first, and the first last.’
The Gospel of the Lord
 
Love More Where It Hurts
 
My good Jesus, thank You so much for showing us the truth. You like to give us parables that challenge us, that make us think. What are You trying to tell us? That Your way of thinking is not our way of thinking. We cannot forget that our desires are disordered, affected by original sin and by our past sins. This means that our self-love can influence us greatly. And the worst thing is that we do not usually see it. Self-love is our greatest enemy. And if we cannot see it, that means it has an even stronger hold on us. How many times do I judge my spouse according to my own standards? How many times do I think I am right? How many times do I see their faults more clearly than my own?
 
Lord, help me to be aware that my way of seeing things is affected by sin. That the only right standard is Yours, never mine. You alone know everything, and You are the Truth. So, Jesus, help me to turn away from my own judgement and seek only Yours.
 
May I always ask myself: «What would You do in this situation?». And Your answer will always be: «Love, give yourself, forgive, welcome…».
 
Lord, thank You for every opportunity You give me each day to give myself to my spouse, even when I do not understand, to forgive, and to love in every situation.
 
 
Brought Down to Married Life
 
Simon: Ruth, this parable really challenges me. How many times do I complain that this or that is unfair, compare myself with others… And that phrase, «Are you envious because I am generous?», really touches my heart.
 
Ruth: I feel the same. God has given each of us the gifts He has seen fit to give us. More than that, He allows some things to happen that benefit us and others that seem to harm us. Because He knows what is truly best for us, and He wants to bring something great out of it for us.
 
Simon: Without a doubt. I remember when we were constantly comparing ourselves with each other. Thinking about what the other person had or had not done, whether they had received something and I had not… What a tortuous path that was! You can really see who it came from. He turns every situation into an opportunity to bring out the worst in us.
 
Ruth: Yes, and what a wonderful path the Lord offers us! It seems that not defending ourselves, not insisting on our own worth, will somehow hurt us. But the opposite is true. It frees us and fills us with peace.
 
Simon: How great the Lord is! He allows all those situations that trouble us so that we can learn not to complain, not to judge, to trust in Him and to love as He loves.
 
 
Mother,
Please help us to see every situation that displeases us as an opportunity to love more. As You did, as Your Son did.
Blessed and praised be God!

God Can Do All Things. Reflections for Married Couples. Matthew: 23-30

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Gospel of the Day

From the Gospel according to Matthew 19:23–30
At that time: Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Truly, I say to you, only with difficulty will a rich person enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.’ When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished, saying, ‘Who then can be saved?’ But Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.’ Then Peter said in reply, ‘See, we have left everything and followed you. What then will we have?’ Jesus said to them, ‘Truly, I say to you, in the new world, when the Son of Man will sit on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has left houses, or brothers or sisters, or father or mother, or children or lands for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first.’
 
The Gospel of the Lord
 

God Can Do All Things

«Then who can be saved?». Faced with this question from the disciples, we are reminded of those words of Saint John Paul II in Chile: «Love always wins».

Why do we so often doubt Him? We measure God according to our limited human abilities. We see with our own eyes, and we struggle to acquire that supernatural vision which allows us to discover that what is impossible for us is possible for God.

Christ, too, «seemed powerless on the Cross». And yet, precisely there, where everything appeared to be lost, Love was conquering. Christ’s self-giving unto death was bearing the greatest fruit. This is also the logic of marital love: to die to ourselves so that we may give ourselves to our spouse and rise together in Christ. To leave behind our «I» in order to become a gift, giving our lives to our spouse through Christ. For it is by losing our life that we receive a new life, eternal life.

It is not, therefore, a matter of trusting in our own strength, but of abandoning ourselves to Him and not losing heart. Even when, humanly speaking, we cannot see a way forward, even when loving as Christ loves seems impossible to us, let us remember: God can always do more!

Brought Down to Married Life

Mark: I have to confess to you that for a long time I thought our marriage was over. Honestly, I had convinced myself that one day we would end up separating.

Rose: I lived with that fear too. Many times I thought I would come home and you would no longer be there. That is why I started praying novenas to Saint Joseph, protector of the family. I asked him to protect ours, because I felt that we could no longer put things right on our own.

Mark: But there came a point when you started to change. You stopped looking at me with reproach, stopped constantly criticising me and bringing so many things up against me.

Rose: A friend from Marital Love Project asked me a question that really shook me: «Do you want to fight for your marriage, or do you want to end it?». She made me realise that I could not wait for you to change before I began to love you. I decided to do my part, to pray and to ask the Lord to change my heart. And little by little, He did.

Mark: And when you changed, many things in me began to change too. Joy returned to our home and, above all, we began to let the Lord into our marriage again. You even managed to find ways to invite a priest over for dinner…

Rose: Well, I do not think even that was really my doing. It was the Lord who placed the right people in our path at precisely the right time. Like that «by chance» encounter with your friend, which ended with him telling you about the retreat.

Mark: Yes. When we thought there was no longer any solution, He was already at work. In the end, it is true: the Lord can do everything, but we are the ones who have to open the door and allow Him to act.

Mother,

Source of goodness and docility, help us to know what we should do at each moment and to follow the will of God.

Blessed be the Lord!

Not Only to Fulfil, but to GIVE ONESELF. Reflections for married couples. Matthew 19: 16-22

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Gospel of the Day

From the Gospel according to Matthew 19: 16–22
At that time: Behold, a man came up to Jesus, saying, ‘Teacher, what good deed must I do to have eternal life?’ And he said to him, ‘Why do you ask me about what is good? There is only one who is good. If you would enter life, keep the commandments.’ He said to him, ‘Which ones?’ And Jesus said, ‘You shall not murder; You shall not commit adultery; You shall not steal; You shall not bear false witness; Honour your father and mother, and, You shall love your neighbour as yourself.’ The young man said to him, ‘All these I have kept. What do I still lack?’ Jesus said to him, ‘If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.’ When the young man heard this he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.
 
The Gospel of the Lord

Not Only to Fulfil, but to GIVE ONESELF

This Gospel places before us a question that a married couple can also ask: «What am I lacking?». The young man apparently has everything: he keeps the commandments and leads a good life, but he discovers that eternal life does not consist simply in fulfilling, but in giving oneself.

Something similar can happen to us in marriage. We can fulfil our responsibilities, be faithful, keep the household going, care for the children, work and look after one another… and yet Jesus asks us something deeper: are you willing to give your life for your spouse? Because marital love is not limited to doing what is expected of us. It is called to become a gift.

The young man asks: «What am I lacking?». And Jesus points out what he is clinging to: his wealth. We too can have our own «riches» that make it difficult for us to give ourselves: my time, my plans, my comfort, my way of doing things, my need to be right, my wounds, my expectations of the other… They are not always bad things. The problem arises when we put them before love.

In married life, following Jesus means learning to let go of whatever prevents us from loving. Sometimes it will mean giving up a hurtful word; at other times, yielding in an argument, being the first to ask for forgiveness, listening even when we are tired, or giving time to the other when we would rather get on with our own things. These are small everyday «sell your possessions» moments: letting go of something of myself so that the other person can receive love.

The Gospel invites us today to move from a marriage based on «I do my part» to a marriage based on «I give myself to you». It is not about doing more things, but about allowing Christ to teach us to love in a new way.

Brought Down to Married Life

Joseph: Margaret, I have been thinking about yesterday’s argument all day.

Margaret: So have I. And it saddens me that over something which, deep down, was not that important, we ended up hurting each other.

Joseph: I think yesterday I was more concerned with proving that I was right than with listening to you and loving you.

Margaret: And I was the same. I wanted you to acknowledge that I was right, and I stopped seeing you as my husband and started seeing you almost as someone I had to defend myself against.

Joseph: I realise now that what the Lord wants is not for me simply to follow some rules, but to surrender whatever my heart is clinging to. I can say: «I work, I fulfil my responsibilities, I look after the family…». But perhaps Jesus is asking me: «And what are you lacking in order to truly love Margaret?».

Margaret: Perhaps you need to let go of your need always to be right.

Joseph: (Smiles.) Yes. And perhaps you need to let go of your need for everything to be done the way you think it should be done.

Margaret: You’re right. But I find it difficult.

Joseph: So do I. I always tend to want to hold on to my pride, my reasons, my little securities…

Margaret: Yesterday I went to bed thinking: «Let him make the first move». And this morning I realised that I was waiting for you to change so that I could go back to loving you peacefully.

Joseph: And I was waiting for exactly the same thing.

Margaret: Forgive me for the things I said to you yesterday. I do not want my pride to be more important than our marriage.

Joseph: And you forgive me too. I listened to you in order to answer you, not in order to understand you. And that is not loving as Jesus asks us to love.

Mother,

give us a humble heart to ask for forgiveness, a generous heart to give ourselves, and a patient heart to begin again each day.

Mary, School of Love. Reflection for married couples. Luke 1:39-56

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Gospel

‘He who is mighty has done great things for me; he has exalted those of humble estate.’
Luke 1:39-56

In those days Mary arose and went with haste into the hill country, to a town in Judah, and she entered the house of Zechariah and greeted Elizabeth. And when Elizabeth heard the greeting of Mary, the baby leaped in her womb. And Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit, and she exclaimed with a loud cry, ‘Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb! And why is this granted to me that the mother of my Lord should come to me? For behold, when the sound of your greeting came to my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfilment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.’
And Mary said,
‘My soul magnifies the Lord,
and my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour,
for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant.
For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed;
for he who is mighty has done great things for me,
and holy is his name.
And his mercy is for those who fear him
from generation to generation.
He has shown strength with his arm;
he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts;
he has brought down the mighty from their thrones
and exalted those of humble estate;
he has filled the hungry with good things,
and the rich he has sent away empty.
He has helped his servant Israel,
in remembrance of his mercy,
as he spoke to our fathers,
to Abraham and to his offspring for ever.’
And Mary remained with her about three months and returned to her home.

The Gospel of the Lord

Mary, School of Love

In this Gospel, we contemplate Our Mother, who teaches us how to love and shows us the steps to follow: First, to receive Jesus, to have God within us. Then, without delay, to set out to bring Jesus to others and to serve, just as Mary promptly sets out to serve Elizabeth. She does not remain enclosed within herself, but goes out to meet Elizabeth. She does not wait for her to ask for help; she takes the initiative. Elizabeth recognises God’s action in Mary, and Mary takes no credit for herself, but responds with the Magnificat, proclaiming that every good thing comes from God, praising Him, exalting Him and giving Him thanks. And we see that when we truly put Christ at the centre of our lives, we are filled with joy, an overflowing joy that comes from knowing that God is among us.
Husbands and wives, true love always moves us to go beyond ourselves in order to seek the good of others, and who is closer to us than our spouse? In married life, charity often consists in recognising the needs of the other before they express them, serving with joy and putting our own gifts at the service of others, without taking credit for the good that exists in our family, but recognising that it is God who transforms our hearts and makes our love fruitful. That is why married love is not lived only for the two spouses, but becomes a source of life for our children, our family and others.
So today I ask myself: Am I willing today to step outside myself, draw closer to my spouse and serve them with joy, recognising that God wants to make our marriage an instrument of His love?

Applied to Married Life:

Nina: It strikes me that Mary, after the Annunciation, quickly sets out to help Elizabeth. She does not remain focused on herself or think of herself first, but on the good of the other person.
Patrick: It strikes me too. It makes me think of us. I often focus on my own worries and wait for you to take the first step and ask me for things, instead of paying attention to what you need.
Nina: I do the same. Sometimes I am so focused on myself and what I need that I forget to ask myself: “What can I do today to make Patrick feel better?” But Mary teaches us that loving means going beyond ourselves and seeking the good of the other person first.
Patrick: I think that’s very important, Nina. Love isn’t simply about having butterflies in your stomach or feeling affection for you; it’s about serving you, listening to you and caring about what you need. When I serve you out of love, I don’t lose anything; on the contrary, I notice that our marriage grows in communion.
Nina: And Mary doesn’t go simply to help; she also carries Jesus with her. That makes me think that we too can bring Christ to one another when we live with patience, humility and self-giving.
Patrick: And the encounter ends in joy and praise. Perhaps we too should learn to recognise the good things God does in our marriage, even in the midst of our difficulties.
Nina: So, what can we do today?
Patrick: Well, like Mary: let us go out to meet one another, serve without expecting anything in return and give thanks to God.
Nina: Yes. And may our marriage also be a Visitation: bringing Christ into the heart of the other.

Mother,
teach us to truly love one another with the love of God, with a gentle and humble heart like yours, ready to serve and to bring Jesus to others, and to recognise that everything good is the work of Our Lord. Blessed and glorious are You, Mother! Praised be the Lord for ever!

Everything and Nothing. Reflection for married couples. Matthew 19:13-15

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Gospel

‘Do not hinder the little children from coming to me, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.’
Matthew 19:13-15

At that time: Children were brought to Jesus that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked the people, but Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.’ And he laid his hands on them and went away.

The Gospel of the Lord

Everything and Nothing.

In Jesus’ time, children had no value; they were not even considered people, to the point that they were referred to interchangeably as “slaves” or “children”. That is why the disciples sent them away so that they would not bother Jesus.
But Jesus, on the other hand, surprises them by saying that “the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these”.
For God has a special love for those who are considered “nothing”. Saint Paul says: “God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; what is weak to shame the strong; what is lowly and despised, what is nothing, to bring to nothing things that are” (1 Cor 1:27-28).
So, “To come to be everything, desire to be nothing in anything” (Saint John of the Cross).

Applied to Married Life:
Carla: I’ve spent my whole life waiting to be valued by you, and it turns out that the path is to become nothing.
John: Well, to me you are everything, even though sometimes I don’t show it.
Carla: Don’t worry, darling. Sometimes the Lord allows me not to feel valued even though I am, so that I may learn to love in the midst of the trial.
John: Then let us keep trying to be nothing, so that the Lord may be the one to place us wherever He sees fit.
Carla: Amen.
Mother,
God saw your humility; may we too become small so that God can accomplish great things in us.