Strip oneself of Everything

Jesus stripped Himself of everything He had before going to the Father, even of His most precious treasure, His Mother. But He did not simply leave her behind. Instead, He entrusted her to His beloved disciple and, in doing so, gave her as a gift to all humanity, so that she could always care for each and every one of us.

We spouses are also called to live this kind of self-giving: to leave behind the “I”, my rights, my plans, my preferences… in order to build a true “we.” This does not mean ceasing to be who we are, but discovering that we reach our fullness when we learn to make ourselves a gift for the other.

How difficult it is for us to let go! There is always some little aspects of our lives that we want to keep for ourselves. That is why everything begins in prayer. Let us learn to surrender ourselves completely to the Lord, because even in our self-giving to Him, we often keep some hidden aspects that we find difficult to offer Him.

Applied to Married Life:

After praying together as a couple.

Helen: You know, this Gospel has made me remember those second Saturdays of the month that were reserved for you and your friends…

Frank: Oh, sweetheart, you’re right! How badly I misunderstood what it meant to give myself out!

Helen: The truth is that, at the time, I thought I was handling it really well. On top of that, I used to boast to my friends about what a good wife I was, “letting you have” one Saturday a month with your friends. But deep down, I was actually finding it really difficult.

Frank: I had no idea, Helen! You know, thinking back to that time, there were quite a few occasions when I really couldn’t be bothered to go, because it had become a routine, something that I “had to do,” and the plan was always the same… If I had known you were struggling with it, I wouldn’t have gone. I’m so sorry!

Helen: Don’t be sorry, Frank. It’s just that, at that time, nobody had explained to us all these things that we are learning now through Marital Love Project. I was convinced that giving up one day a month with you was a good thing, so that you could have your own space and time to rest, or at least, that’s what I had been told. But I understand now that our space should be shared between the two of us, and if you need to have a space that is just yours, it should be to spend it with God.

Frank: Yes, sweetheart. Our self-giving is to the Lord and to our spouse, and then to our family. With you, I am called to become one flesh, not with my friends… I’m not saying I should abandon them, but keeping a space just for myself, I can see now that it doesn’t really fit with the meaning of our sacrament.

Mother,

Help us to surrender ourselves completely to the Lord, so that we may know how to give ourselves fully in our marriage. Glory and praise to the Lord!

From the Gospel according to John 3:13-17

Exaltation of the Holy Cross

Today we celebrate the Exaltation of the Holy Cross as a sign of the extraordinary love that God has for us. This Gospel reveals to us how God loves and, therefore, how we are called to love in marriage: a love that gives itself, lifts the other person up, and seeks their salvation rather than their condemnation.

The word “give” takes on a very profound meaning. Loving one’s husband or wife does not simply consist of feeling affection, having beautiful moments together, or seeking our own happiness as a couple. To love is to give ourselves to the other person, to place our own lives at the service of their good, and to learn, little by little, to give our lives for the other.

Jesus speaks of being “lifted up,” because although the cross seems to be a place of defeat and death, it becomes the place where Jesus reveals the greatest love: He gives His life to save us.

Every marriage has moments of “desert”: tiredness, arguments, wounds, disappointments, financial difficulties, family concerns… And in those moments, we can fall into the temptation of looking only at the other person’s faults: “Look what you have done to me,” “It’s your fault,” “You always do the same thing.” But Jesus invites us to lift our eyes toward Him.

The cross reminds us that true love does not mean that there will never be difficulties, but rather that love can pass through those difficulties without ceasing to love.

We can choose either to close ourselves in on ourselves or to lift our love higher: to ask for forgiveness even when we believe we are right, to listen when we are tired, to give up our comfort for the good of the other, to care for our spouse in their vulnerability, or to remain faithful when we are going through a difficult season.

Applied to Married Life:

Molly: I’m seeing more and more clearly that our model to follow, and the way we are called to love, is the way Christ teaches us in the Gospel. God gave Himself so that we, too, may give ourselves to one another.

Leo: Yes. And I’m also seeing more and more clearly that, in our marriage, this has to show itself in the little things. Sometimes giving my life for you doesn’t mean doing something extraordinary, but listening to you even when I’m tired, giving in, helping you, or simply being there.

Molly: And something I’m learning from Jesus is that He did not come to judge, but to save. Because we often do exactly the opposite: we judge each other.

Leo: Absolutely. During an argument, it’s so easy to think, “You always do this,” or “It’s your fault.” And perhaps Jesus invites us to change the question: not “Who is to blame?” but “How would Christ act in this situation?”

Molly: That changes things a lot. Because when I stop wanting to be right, I can begin to seek you instead.

Leo: And that’s where the cross comes in. Not as something we have to go looking for, but as those moments when loving becomes difficult. That’s where we can decide whether to move away from each other or draw closer.

Molly: And we have to try to learn to look at each other as He looks at us.

Leo: Yes. With our faults, our wounds, and our limitations… but without ever ceasing to believe that the other person is a gift from God to me, just as they are.

Molly: And now, as the ultimate proof that we are learning to love each other…

Leo: What?

Molly: I’ll let you suggest what we watch on television tonight.

Leo: Now that is a truly redemptive act of self-sacrifice!

Molly: Well… don’t get too excited. I said suggest, not choose whatever you want.

Leo: Ah… then we still have a long way to go on the road to holiness.

Mother,

teach us to give ourselves without reservation, and to lift each other up when the cross comes. Praised be the Cross of Christ.

GOSPEL OF THE DAY

From the Gospel according to Matthew 18:21-35

Peter approached Jesus and asked him,

“Lord, if my brother sins against me,

how often must I forgive?

As many as seven times?”

Jesus answered, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.

That is why the kingdom of heaven may be likened to a king

who decided to settle accounts with his servants.

When he began the accounting,

a debtor was brought before him who owed him a huge amount.

Since he had no way of paying it back,

his master ordered him to be sold,

along with his wife, his children, and all his property,

in payment of the debt.

At that, the servant fell down, did him homage, and said,

‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back in full.’

Moved with compassion the master of that servant

let him go and forgave him the loan.

When that servant had left, he found one of his fellow servants

who owed him a much smaller amount.

He seized him and started to choke him, demanding,

‘Pay back what you owe.’

Falling to his knees, his fellow servant begged him,

‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’

But he refused.

Instead, he had the fellow servant put in prison

until he paid back the debt.

Now when his fellow servants saw what had happened,

they were deeply disturbed, and went to their master

and reported the whole affair.

His master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant!

I forgave you your entire debt because you begged me to.

Should you not have had pity on your fellow servant,

as I had pity on you?’

Then in anger his master handed him over to the torturers

until he should pay back the whole debt.

So will my heavenly Father do to you,

unless each of you forgives your brother from your heart.”

The Word of the Lord

 

From “you owe me” to “I give myself”

Have you asked God for the gift of Forgiveness? Sin makes us keep accounts: “you owe me”, and the debt ends up conditioning everything in my marriage. Jesus teaches me that to forgive is to stop looking at the debt and to look again at the other person. A gaze of compassion that allows me to see their suffering, beyond the hurt they have caused me; to renounce collecting what is owed and, united to Christ, to offer for their good the pain of my wound — which still hurts.

It is moving from “you owe me” to “I give myself”. And that is supernatural. ASK FOR IT! Be brave. You will experience the Life of Christ, the freest man who has ever walked the face of the earth.

Applied to married life

Mary had been distant from her husband John for days. Inside, she kept a running tally: “You didn’t listen to me; you came home late again; you didn’t even ask how I was…”

One night she found John exhausted. For a moment she stopped seeing the man who “owed” her so many things and saw her husband again: tired, wounded, and also in need of understanding. She felt compassion and wanted to draw near… but she couldn’t. Her wound held her back.

The next morning she rose early and, before the Lord present in the Tabernacle, said: “Lord, I can’t. Do it in me.”

That evening, sustained by the grace of her sacrament, she approached John, took his hand, and asked him sincerely:

— How are you?

The wound was still there, but it no longer ruled her. Mary had taken the first step: stopping the desire to collect what was owed and beginning to give herself. Christ had begun to work in her heart.

 

Mother,

Show us the mercy of your Son. May He be blessed and praised for ever, He who redeemed us with His Blood.

GOSPEL OF THE DAY

From the Gospel according to Luke 6:43-49

Jesus said to his disciples:

“A good tree does not bear rotten fruit,

nor does a rotten tree bear good fruit.

For every tree is known by its own fruit.

For people do not pick figs from thornbushes,

nor do they gather grapes from brambles.

A good person out of the store of goodness in his heart produces good,

but an evil person out of a store of evil produces evil;

for from the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks.

“Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ but not do what I command?

I will show you what someone is like who comes to me,

listens to my words, and acts on them.

That one is like a man building a house,

who dug deeply and laid the foundation on rock;

when the flood came, the river burst against that house

but could not shake it because it had been well built.

But the one who listens and does not act

is like a person who built a house on the ground

without a foundation.

When the river burst against it,

it collapsed at once and was completely destroyed.”

The Word of the Lord

 

Fruits of the Heart

In this Gospel the Lord speaks to us very plainly: the fruits we bear reveal the true state of our heart. Our deeds and our words are the reflection of what we carry within. What fruits are we producing? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness? Or, on the contrary, discord, envy, hostility, impurity, division, rivalry?

Spouses, to bear good fruit we must fill our hearts with what is good; and if we want to bear fruits of love, we must fill our hearts with love — true love, the Love of God. And for this, Jesus also gives us the formula: draw near to Him, listen to His Word, and put it into practice. Only by fulfilling these three conditions can we build our marriage and our family upon solid rock. If even one is missing, we build on sand.

But if we fill our hearts with the Love of God, that Love will overflow and produce extraordinary fruits in our marriage and in our family. What are we waiting for to let ourselves be filled with the Love of God?

Applied to married life

Abby: What are you thinking about, Matt? You seem miles away.

Matt: No, nothing, Abby… well, just how to organise myself so I can go to my team’s match this afternoon. You know I like going to the court with my friends.

Abby: Oh honestly… you’re always thinking about football. What have you filled your heart with? If you like, to find out what’s in our hearts, I suggest we both go over what we’ve talked about yesterday and today. I’ll do it too. And let’s see what comes out. What do you think?

Matt: Alright, sounds like a good idea, could be helpful. Let’s see… I’ve talked about things from work, politics, economics, sport… phew! Looks like my heart is full of the things of this world.

Abby: I was talking with my colleagues at work about fashion and criticising some people. And at home I’ve been focused on the children’s tasks and keeping everything tidy… Goodness, I’m realising that my heart is also full of the things of this world.

Matt: We’ve hardly spoken about love, or about God. We haven’t thanked Him, we haven’t praised Him… We haven’t made any effort to help each other draw closer to Him, we haven’t gone deeper into one another to understand more of God’s plans for us. I can see my heart is dry. Like this, it can’t bear good fruit — not for you, not for the children, not for anyone…

Abby: We can’t carry on like this. We need to set ourselves a timetable and reserve time so we don’t miss the most important part of the day: filling our hearts with what is good. Praying more. And not failing in our conjugal prayer.

Matt: Well then, that’s settled. From this very moment — let’s get to it!

 

Mother,

Teach us to empty our hearts of the things of the world so that we may fill them with God, like you, and thus bear fruits of Love. Blessed and glorious are you, Mother! May the Lord be praised for ever!

GOSPEL OF THE DAY

From the Gospel according to Luke 6:39-42

Jesus told his disciples a parable:

“Can a blind person guide a blind person?

Will not both fall into a pit?

No disciple is superior to the teacher;

but when fully trained,

every disciple will be like his teacher.

Why do you notice the splinter in your brother’s eye,

but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own?

How can you say to your brother,

‘Brother, let me remove that splinter in your eye,’

when you do not even notice the wooden beam in your own eye?

You hypocrite!  Remove the wooden beam from your eye first;

then you will see clearly

to remove the splinter in your brother’s eye.”

The Word of the Lord

 

Justice

On the day we receive the Sacrament of Matrimony, we seal a Covenant of three: the husband, the wife, and Our Lord Jesus Christ. It is a commitment between two people in which Christ is present, sustaining, guiding, and strengthening the love of the spouses. He remains always faithful, but we, as spouses, have a fallen nature that can make us stumble time and again.

In this Gospel, Jesus points out the gravest sin we can commit against our spouse: judgement. He does not tell us what the “speck” in the other consists of (it may be anything from a small lie to infidelity), but He does clearly tell us what the beam in our own eye is: we see the sin and condemn without showing any Mercy, with an implacable judgement.

Let us remember the teachings of Our Master: we must be meek and humble of heart. And if we look upon our spouse in their falls in this way, we will see not the sin, but the sinner, and we will be able to help them rise again with the boundless Love with which the Lord gave Himself for us.

Applied to married life

Mike: Today marks 25 years since the attack on the Twin Towers in New York.

Anna: Goodness me! Twenty‑five years already. I remember perfectly where we were at that moment.

Mike: Yesterday I saw in a documentary that the Towers didn’t fall because of the impact of the plane, but because the structure was made of metal beams, and they softened due to the extremely high temperature of the burning fuel.

Anna: The way they collapsed was astonishing — in a matter of seconds, an emblem of New York and the United States came crashing down.

Mike: And everything that came afterwards… We need to pray a lot.

Anna: This reminds me of the Gospel we heard at Mass — removing the beam from our own eye before offering fraternal correction to a brother.

Mike: Well, our beam can be melted in the burning Love of the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

Anna: Brilliant! I love how you relate everything to Our Lord; every day you help me draw closer to Him, in every conversation we have. And I ask Him to teach me to love you each day with that ardent love of His Heart.

Mike: You’re so lovely. Give me a kiss.

Mother

We love you so much! Thank you for everything you have given us through Proyecto Amor Conyugal. How many graces we have received! How many marriages healed! Here we are, ready to help you fulfil the Will of the Father, whatever you may need. May the Most Holy Trinity — God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit — be praised for ever!