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Appearances. Reflections for married couples. Matthew 23:27-32

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Gospel according to Matthew 23:27–32

At that time: Jesus said, ‘Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness. So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.
  ‘Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you build the tombs of the prophets and decorate the monuments of the righteous, saying, “If we had lived in the days of our fathers, we would not have taken part with them in shedding the blood of the prophets.” Thus you witness against yourselves that you are sons of those who murdered the prophets. Fill up, then, the measure of your fathers.’

Appearances

The Lord leads us again and again to look into the depths of our hearts. The image of whitewashed tombs is a strong one, but it is also a lesson for us. The problem is not having wounds, weaknesses or sins; we all have them, but as long as we acknowledge them and struggle not to sin, we continue walking towards God. The danger begins when we stop fighting against sin and make peace with it. First we fall; then we justify it: “It’s not that bad”, “That’s just how I am”, “Everyone does it”. Little by little, we become accustomed to living with it and begin to hide it, worried that it might be noticed and that others might see it. That is where hypocrisy begins: we make evil look good on the outside while allowing it to settle within us. Saint Paul warns us: “Therefore, sin must not reign over your mortal bodies so that you obey their desires” (Rom 6:12). Because the sin we give a place to eventually wants to occupy the throne. That is why we need the humility to open our wounds to Christ and surrender them to Him: what is acknowledged can be healed; what is hidden becomes entrenched. In marriage too, we can become accustomed to small forms of selfishness, harshness or resentment and end up justifying them. What does Jesus find in my heart when no one sees me? Is there something I am no longer concerned about changing? Jesus does not want us merely to appear clean on the outside; He wants to make our hearts pure.
Applied to Married Life:

Rocio: Arguing about the same thing again…
Ignacio: Well, we know each other and it’s always like this… we get angry, say a few things to each other and then it passes… the “normal arguments” of any marriage.
Rocio: “Normal arguments”? Well, that worries me, because we have normalised it… we have been like this for so long that we have become accustomed to it.
Ignacio: You’re right, we have started making peace with something we know is wrong. We only worry about it when the children, friends or family are at home.
Rocio: Well, you know what I think? We need to acknowledge our wrongdoing, because no one goes to a doctor for a wound they want to hide. I think this is the most dangerous thing. We need to turn to the Lord, we need His grace and we need to begin a journey of conversion in our hearts.
Mother,

When we become accustomed to our weaknesses, awaken our hearts and lead us back to Jesus. Blessed are you!

Could anything good come from this? Reflections for married couples. John 1:45-51

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Gospel according to John 1:45–51
At that time: Philip found Nathanael and said to him, ‘We have found him of whom Moses in the Law and also the prophets wrote: Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph.’ Nathanael said to him, ‘Can anything good come out of Nazareth?’ Philip said to him, ‘Come and see.’ Jesus saw Nathanael coming towards him and said of him, ‘Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom there is no deceit!’ Nathanael said to him, ‘How do you know me?’ Jesus answered him, ‘Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you.’ Nathanael answered him, ‘Rabbi, you are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel!’ Jesus answered him, ‘Because I said to you, “I saw you under the fig tree”, do you believe? You will see greater things than these.’ And he said to him, ‘Truly, truly, I say to you, you will see heaven opened, and the angels of God ascending and descending on the Son of Man.’
Could anything good come from this?

When, in our marriage, we receive the revelation that our vocation involves communion with our spouse in such a way that it reflects the very life of the Most Holy Trinity, and that this is the only path to our sanctification, the devil makes us recall all our weaknesses and sows doubt in our hearts: can anything good come from what we are living?

But if we remain open to His Grace, God, who knows the depths of our hearts, never stops inviting us and offering us opportunities each day to grow in that communion through acts of mutual self-giving and acceptance, and to grow in intimacy with Him. Then we will be able to see and experience all the wonders He has dreamed for our marriage, so that together we may reach Heaven.

Applied to Married Life:
Laura is very excited about sharing her life with Daniel. They have not been married for long, and she longs to have a united marriage, but…
Laura: I was waiting for you to come home from work so that we could pray together, but instead you’ve been staring at your phone for half an hour and it’s as though I don’t even exist, as if you were still at the office! Is this what we got married for?
Daniel: You’re right, Laura. I’m worried about a serious problem, and I’ve got hooked on watching silly videos that get me nowhere, just so I don’t have to think about it.
Laura: I’m sorry, Daniel. I’ve let myself be carried away by what I was expecting, and I haven’t thought about you. Why don’t you go take a shower, as that always helps you switch off, and then we can share what’s worrying you in prayer?
Daniel: Perfect. Thank you for being patient with me on this journey of marriage that we are walking together.

Mother,

May we not remain focused on our weakness, but instead look towards the plan God has prepared for our marriage. Praised be God!

His domestic Church. Reflections for married couples. Matthew 16:13-20

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Gospel according to Matthew 16:13–20

At that time: When Jesus came into the district of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, ‘Who do people say that the Son of Man is?’ And they said, ‘Some say John the Baptist, others say Elijah, and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.’ He said to them, ‘But who do you say that I am?’ Simon Peter replied, ‘You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.’ And Jesus answered him, ‘Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah! For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven. And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my Church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.’ Then he strictly charged the disciples to tell no one that he was the Christ.

His domestic Church.

What confidence and security these words give us: “Upon this rock I will build my Church.” It is not Peter, nor Paul, nor any of His priests or bishops who hold the helm of the Church; it is the Lord. Amid the tide of ideas, trends, opinions and ideologies, we know where the Truth is, where we can find our own truth so that we can follow a sure path; and, what is more, we can meet the Lord every day in the Eucharist. What peace we find in our hearts when we spend some time before the Lord, present in the monstrance on the altar.

In our marriage, we can also ask ourselves the same question: What do people say that marriage is? The answers we hear are much the same in every age: that it is for life, that there is no point in getting married, that it is only “until it lasts”… But the Lord tells us again that marriage is a gift given to us, the wonderful plan He has for each of us, the rock upon which He builds a communion of life and love, His domestic Church, which the powers of hell will not overcome. Our spouse, whom we married so deeply in love, has been chosen from all eternity to be the right companion to help us journey towards the Lord, towards Heaven.

Spouses, do not be afraid! He is always with us, watching over us and caring for our marriage; and even when everything seems lost, He remains faithful to His promise: the devil will not overcome it.

Brought down to married life

Patricia: Stephen, I was praying this morning and thinking about us, our marriage, how we have gone through different stages and circumstances, and how much we have grown over the past few years.
Stephen: It’s true. When we look back, we realise what a wonderful journey it has been, even with all the obstacles and crosses along the way.
Patricia: Yes, we got married very much in love, but we wanted to do everything through our own strength. Then the first obstacles came: struggles, misunderstandings, difficulties that even began to shake our marriage.
Stephen: There were times when I thought it wasn’t worth all the effort.
Patricia: Of course. We wanted to build our marriage on our own. Then we discovered the Lord, and He showed us that He was already in our midst, but we hadn’t been counting on Him.
Stephen: And it took us time to realise that He was making everything new, that He was the rock upon which we needed to build our lives.
Patricia: Little by little, we learnt that He never abandons us and that He is always by our side; it is we who become careless and fail to let Him accompany us.
Stephen: But look at us. Despite everything we have lived through, and everything still to come, we have discovered marriage as God intended it: our own marriage, how He wants to see us and how He wants us to love one another, with that self-giving love that makes us truly happy.
Patricia: Listening to you, I can’t help but give thanks to God for your love. I love you so much!
Stephen: And I love you too. Every day I find you more beautiful, especially when you say things like that. I thank God for giving me such a wonderful wife. Mwah!

Mother,

Watch over us so that we may never become separated from the Lord, and may our marriage always be built upon Him. Blessed and praised be the Lord!

Do What I Say. Reflections for Married Couples. Matthew 23,1-12

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Gospel of the Day

From the Gospel according to Matthew 23,1-12
At that time: Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples, ‘The scribes and the Pharisees sit on Moses’ seat, so do and observe whatever they tell you, but not the works they do. For they preach, but do not practise. They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with their finger. They do all their deeds to be seen by others. For they make their phylacteries broad and their fringes long, and they love the place of honour at feasts and the best seats in the synagogues and greetings in the market-places and being called rabbi by others. But you are not to be called rabbi, for you have one teacher, and you are all brothers and sisters. And call no man your father on earth, for you have one Father, who is in heaven. Neither be called instructors, for you have one instructor, the Christ. The greatest among you shall be your servant. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.’
 
 
The Gospel of the Lord
 

Do What I Say

In this Gospel, the Lord corrects us and draws our attention to three things.

The first concerns the inconsistency between what we say and what we do. We must be careful not to demand more of our spouse than we demand of ourselves, simply because we are the one who brings the money home, or because we have a better job, or because we are more eloquent… Our example gives our words credibility. The greatest gift a spouse and a parent can give to their husband or wife, or to their child, is their own conversion, because words may convince to some extent, but example speaks far more powerfully.

The second correction concerns vanity. Why do I do the things I do? Why do I want to be a catechism teacher? Or coordinate a retreat? Or lead a retreat? If it is in order to receive recognition, we need to be careful, because we would be turning ourselves into the end rather than allowing the Lord to use us as a means for others.

The third correction is about not becoming insensitive to the gifts we have received from God. Let us not allow ourselves to be called teachers, because only God is the Teacher. We are His instruments. We are what we are through God’s calling and entrustment.

At the end of the passage, He shows us the way: humility, as the light that helps us overcome our own Phariseeism.

Brought Down to Married Life

Lucy: John, I’ve realised something… We love going on retreats, sharing our testimony and being seen as a committed married couple, but when we get home, we keep falling back into the same attitudes.

John: Yes, darling. Sometimes we care more about appearing to be an exemplary married couple than about allowing God to truly transform our hearts.

Lucy: Jesus says to us today: «They do everything so that people will see them». Perhaps we seek recognition more than our union with Christ.

John: And we can even demand from other married couples what we ourselves are not yet living, placing burdens on them that we are not willing to carry ourselves.

Lucy: John, everything we have received through the retreats should help us to love each other more, not to feed our image.

John: Then our true retreat begins here, when we return home and choose to listen to each other, forgive each other, make sacrifices and serve one another.

Lucy: You’re right, John. I do not want people to admire us. I want them, even in the midst of our weaknesses, to be able to discover that Christ is transforming our marriage.

John: Neither do I, darling. Because true greatness does not lie in people seeing us, but in Jesus being seen in the way we love one another.

Mother,

Teach us to be humble like You, so that God may grow in our hearts.

Blessed and praised be You for ever, Lord.

First and Foremost, Love. Reflections for Married Couples. Matthew 22, 34-40

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Gospel of the Day

From the Gospel according to Matthew 22, 34–40
At that time: When the Pharisees heard that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. ‘Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?’ And he said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbour as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.’
 
The Gospel of the Lord
 

First and Foremost, Love

As Saint John of the Cross says: «At the evening of life, they will examine me on Love…»

And no matter how much we may do, whether at work, with my colleagues, with friends, in the parish, in our home, in my marriage, in my family… if I do not do it with Love, it is an empty act, something hollow that remains unfulfilled.

Today, in the Gospel, the Lord calls us to do everything with Him and in Him, that is, with Love.

And even more than that, He calls us to do everything with Him as an offering to the Father. This is the way in which every act we do will be given meaning and will not remain empty, but will instead be filled with purpose and enable us to live life to the full. The Lord says: «This is the will of the Father, that you love one another as I have loved you».

Brought Down to Married Life

Monica: I spend all day ironing, tidying up, doing the washing…

James: I know. You’re so good to me and the children…

Monica: But I’ve realised that I also spend all day complaining about it, and that I’m not doing it with Love…

James: But that’s understandable. I can’t do much around the house, and you’re taking care of so much.

Monica: Yes, but James, what is the point of doing so much if I’m not doing it with Love and out of Love?

James: Oh, Monica, you’re right. I hadn’t thought about it that way. Ever since we started the Marital Love Project  journey, you’ve been going much deeper into everything and giving it a different meaning. I love that about you!

Monica: It is the Lord who has been changing me, teaching me to see with His eyes and to want to act with Love in everything.

Mother,

Help us to do everything with You, so that we may truly put Love into everything.

Blessed be the Lord!