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First and Foremost, Love. Reflections for Married Couples. Matthew 22, 34-40

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Gospel of the Day

From the Gospel according to Matthew 22, 34–40
At that time: When the Pharisees heard that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. ‘Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?’ And he said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbour as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.’
 
The Gospel of the Lord
 

First and Foremost, Love

As Saint John of the Cross says: «At the evening of life, they will examine me on Love…»

And no matter how much we may do, whether at work, with my colleagues, with friends, in the parish, in our home, in my marriage, in my family… if I do not do it with Love, it is an empty act, something hollow that remains unfulfilled.

Today, in the Gospel, the Lord calls us to do everything with Him and in Him, that is, with Love.

And even more than that, He calls us to do everything with Him as an offering to the Father. This is the way in which every act we do will be given meaning and will not remain empty, but will instead be filled with purpose and enable us to live life to the full. The Lord says: «This is the will of the Father, that you love one another as I have loved you».

Brought Down to Married Life

Monica: I spend all day ironing, tidying up, doing the washing…

James: I know. You’re so good to me and the children…

Monica: But I’ve realised that I also spend all day complaining about it, and that I’m not doing it with Love…

James: But that’s understandable. I can’t do much around the house, and you’re taking care of so much.

Monica: Yes, but James, what is the point of doing so much if I’m not doing it with Love and out of Love?

James: Oh, Monica, you’re right. I hadn’t thought about it that way. Ever since we started the Marital Love Project  journey, you’ve been going much deeper into everything and giving it a different meaning. I love that about you!

Monica: It is the Lord who has been changing me, teaching me to see with His eyes and to want to act with Love in everything.

Mother,

Help us to do everything with You, so that we may truly put Love into everything.

Blessed be the Lord!

Invited to the Wedding Feast. Reflections for Married Couples. Matthew 22,1-14

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Gospel of the Day

From the Gospel according to Matthew 22, 1-14
At that time: Jesus again spoke to the chief priests and the elders of the people, in parables, saying, ‘The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who gave a wedding feast for his son, and sent his servants to call those who were invited to the wedding feast, but they would not come. Again he sent other servants, saying, “Tell those who are invited, ‘See, I have prepared my dinner, my oxen and my fat calves have been slaughtered, and everything is ready. Come to the wedding feast.’ ” But they paid no attention and went off, one to his farm, another to his business, while the rest seized his servants, treated them shamefully, and killed them. The king was angry, and he sent his troops and destroyed those murderers and burned their city. Then he said to his servants, “The wedding feast is ready, but those invited were not worthy. Go therefore to the main roads and invite to the wedding feast as many as you find.” And those servants went out into the roads and gathered all whom they found, both bad and good. So the wedding hall was filled with guests.
  ‘But when the king came in to look at the guests, he saw there a man who had no wedding garment. And he said to him, “Friend, how did you get in here without a wedding garment?” And he was speechless. Then the king said to the attendants, “Bind him hand and foot and cast him into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” For many are called, but few are chosen.’
The Gospel of the Lord

Invited to the Wedding Feast

Marriage is a daily invitation to take part in the banquet of Love. Like the first guests, we too can allow our commitments, the rush of daily life or our worries to take the place of our relationship and of God. Without realising it, we can keep putting off those moments that nourish our communion.

The Lord never stops inviting us. His call is constant and freely given, but He awaits our response. The «wedding garment» is nothing other than a heart ready to love, to forgive, to serve and to allow itself to be transformed by Him. It is not enough simply to be married. We need to clothe ourselves each day in the love of Christ in order to live our vocation to marriage with joy. Marriage is not a destination, but a journey towards Heaven.

Today we can ask ourselves: what is taking the place of the banquet in our lives? Am I caring for the «garment» of my marriage through acts of self-giving, prayer and tenderness? The Lord continues to say: «Everything is ready. Come to the wedding». Let us not let His invitation pass us by.

 

Brought Down to Married Life

Mary: Charles, I feel that lately we live together, but we are becoming less and less united.

Charles: Because of work and the children?

Mary: Yes. We are always busy. And when we do have a moment, we are on our phones or thinking about other things.

Charles: It’s true. We always say, «When we have time, we’ll spend some time together».

Mary: Today, when I heard the Gospel about the wedding feast, I thought about us. The guests had other things to do and let the invitation pass them by. We can do the same: we do not reject God or our marriage, but we keep putting everything off until later.

Charles: So, what is our «banquet»?

Mary: The moments that help us reconnect: talking, praying together, listening to each other, forgiving each other, showing one another little acts of affection.

Charles: And the «wedding garment» would be clothing ourselves each day in patience, love and service.

Mary: Exactly. It is not enough simply to be married. We have to choose each other and care for each other every day.

Charles: Then let’s do something concrete. Let’s put our phones away tonight and pray together.

Mary: I think that’s a good idea. And let’s also set aside some time together each day just for the Lord.

Charles: Because God continues to invite us to the banquet.

Mary: Yes. And this time we do not want to answer, «Not now».

Charles: We want to say to Him, «Yes, Lord. Here we are».

 

Mother,

With You, we want to say to the Lord: «Here we are. May Your will be done». Blessed are you among women.

Love More Where It Hurts. Reflections for Married Couples. Matthew 20, 1-16

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Gospel of the Day

From the Gospel according to Matthew 20, 1–16
At that time: Jesus told his disciples this parable, ‘The kingdom of heaven is like a master of a house who went out early in the morning to hire labourers for his vineyard. After agreeing with the labourers for a denarius a day, he sent them into his vineyard. And going out about the third hour he saw others standing idle in the market-place, and to them he said, “You go into the vineyard too, and whatever is right I will give you.” So they went. Going out again about the sixth hour and the ninth hour, he did the same. And about the eleventh hour he went out and found others standing. And he said to them, “Why do you stand here idle all day?” They said to him, “Because no one has hired us.” He said to them, “You go into the vineyard too.”
‘And when evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his steward, “Call the labourers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last, up to the first.” And when those hired about the eleventh hour came, each of them received a denarius. Now when those hired first came, they thought they would receive more, but each of them also received a denarius. And on receiving it they grumbled at the master of the house, saying, “These last worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the day and the scorching heat.” But he replied to one of them, “Friend, I am doing you no wrong. Did you not agree with me for a denarius? Take what belongs to you and go. I choose to give to this last worker as I give to you. Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or do you begrudge my generosity?” So the last will be first, and the first last.’
The Gospel of the Lord
 
Love More Where It Hurts
 
My good Jesus, thank You so much for showing us the truth. You like to give us parables that challenge us, that make us think. What are You trying to tell us? That Your way of thinking is not our way of thinking. We cannot forget that our desires are disordered, affected by original sin and by our past sins. This means that our self-love can influence us greatly. And the worst thing is that we do not usually see it. Self-love is our greatest enemy. And if we cannot see it, that means it has an even stronger hold on us. How many times do I judge my spouse according to my own standards? How many times do I think I am right? How many times do I see their faults more clearly than my own?
 
Lord, help me to be aware that my way of seeing things is affected by sin. That the only right standard is Yours, never mine. You alone know everything, and You are the Truth. So, Jesus, help me to turn away from my own judgement and seek only Yours.
 
May I always ask myself: «What would You do in this situation?». And Your answer will always be: «Love, give yourself, forgive, welcome…».
 
Lord, thank You for every opportunity You give me each day to give myself to my spouse, even when I do not understand, to forgive, and to love in every situation.
 
 
Brought Down to Married Life
 
Simon: Ruth, this parable really challenges me. How many times do I complain that this or that is unfair, compare myself with others… And that phrase, «Are you envious because I am generous?», really touches my heart.
 
Ruth: I feel the same. God has given each of us the gifts He has seen fit to give us. More than that, He allows some things to happen that benefit us and others that seem to harm us. Because He knows what is truly best for us, and He wants to bring something great out of it for us.
 
Simon: Without a doubt. I remember when we were constantly comparing ourselves with each other. Thinking about what the other person had or had not done, whether they had received something and I had not… What a tortuous path that was! You can really see who it came from. He turns every situation into an opportunity to bring out the worst in us.
 
Ruth: Yes, and what a wonderful path the Lord offers us! It seems that not defending ourselves, not insisting on our own worth, will somehow hurt us. But the opposite is true. It frees us and fills us with peace.
 
Simon: How great the Lord is! He allows all those situations that trouble us so that we can learn not to complain, not to judge, to trust in Him and to love as He loves.
 
 
Mother,
Please help us to see every situation that displeases us as an opportunity to love more. As You did, as Your Son did.
Blessed and praised be God!

God Can Do All Things. Reflections for Married Couples. Matthew: 23-30

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Gospel of the Day

From the Gospel according to Matthew 19:23–30
At that time: Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Truly, I say to you, only with difficulty will a rich person enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.’ When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished, saying, ‘Who then can be saved?’ But Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.’ Then Peter said in reply, ‘See, we have left everything and followed you. What then will we have?’ Jesus said to them, ‘Truly, I say to you, in the new world, when the Son of Man will sit on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has left houses, or brothers or sisters, or father or mother, or children or lands for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last first.’
 
The Gospel of the Lord
 

God Can Do All Things

«Then who can be saved?». Faced with this question from the disciples, we are reminded of those words of Saint John Paul II in Chile: «Love always wins».

Why do we so often doubt Him? We measure God according to our limited human abilities. We see with our own eyes, and we struggle to acquire that supernatural vision which allows us to discover that what is impossible for us is possible for God.

Christ, too, «seemed powerless on the Cross». And yet, precisely there, where everything appeared to be lost, Love was conquering. Christ’s self-giving unto death was bearing the greatest fruit. This is also the logic of marital love: to die to ourselves so that we may give ourselves to our spouse and rise together in Christ. To leave behind our «I» in order to become a gift, giving our lives to our spouse through Christ. For it is by losing our life that we receive a new life, eternal life.

It is not, therefore, a matter of trusting in our own strength, but of abandoning ourselves to Him and not losing heart. Even when, humanly speaking, we cannot see a way forward, even when loving as Christ loves seems impossible to us, let us remember: God can always do more!

Brought Down to Married Life

Mark: I have to confess to you that for a long time I thought our marriage was over. Honestly, I had convinced myself that one day we would end up separating.

Rose: I lived with that fear too. Many times I thought I would come home and you would no longer be there. That is why I started praying novenas to Saint Joseph, protector of the family. I asked him to protect ours, because I felt that we could no longer put things right on our own.

Mark: But there came a point when you started to change. You stopped looking at me with reproach, stopped constantly criticising me and bringing so many things up against me.

Rose: A friend from Marital Love Project asked me a question that really shook me: «Do you want to fight for your marriage, or do you want to end it?». She made me realise that I could not wait for you to change before I began to love you. I decided to do my part, to pray and to ask the Lord to change my heart. And little by little, He did.

Mark: And when you changed, many things in me began to change too. Joy returned to our home and, above all, we began to let the Lord into our marriage again. You even managed to find ways to invite a priest over for dinner…

Rose: Well, I do not think even that was really my doing. It was the Lord who placed the right people in our path at precisely the right time. Like that «by chance» encounter with your friend, which ended with him telling you about the retreat.

Mark: Yes. When we thought there was no longer any solution, He was already at work. In the end, it is true: the Lord can do everything, but we are the ones who have to open the door and allow Him to act.

Mother,

Source of goodness and docility, help us to know what we should do at each moment and to follow the will of God.

Blessed be the Lord!

Not Only to Fulfil, but to GIVE ONESELF. Reflections for married couples. Matthew 19: 16-22

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Gospel of the Day

From the Gospel according to Matthew 19: 16–22
At that time: Behold, a man came up to Jesus, saying, ‘Teacher, what good deed must I do to have eternal life?’ And he said to him, ‘Why do you ask me about what is good? There is only one who is good. If you would enter life, keep the commandments.’ He said to him, ‘Which ones?’ And Jesus said, ‘You shall not murder; You shall not commit adultery; You shall not steal; You shall not bear false witness; Honour your father and mother, and, You shall love your neighbour as yourself.’ The young man said to him, ‘All these I have kept. What do I still lack?’ Jesus said to him, ‘If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.’ When the young man heard this he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.
 
The Gospel of the Lord

Not Only to Fulfil, but to GIVE ONESELF

This Gospel places before us a question that a married couple can also ask: «What am I lacking?». The young man apparently has everything: he keeps the commandments and leads a good life, but he discovers that eternal life does not consist simply in fulfilling, but in giving oneself.

Something similar can happen to us in marriage. We can fulfil our responsibilities, be faithful, keep the household going, care for the children, work and look after one another… and yet Jesus asks us something deeper: are you willing to give your life for your spouse? Because marital love is not limited to doing what is expected of us. It is called to become a gift.

The young man asks: «What am I lacking?». And Jesus points out what he is clinging to: his wealth. We too can have our own «riches» that make it difficult for us to give ourselves: my time, my plans, my comfort, my way of doing things, my need to be right, my wounds, my expectations of the other… They are not always bad things. The problem arises when we put them before love.

In married life, following Jesus means learning to let go of whatever prevents us from loving. Sometimes it will mean giving up a hurtful word; at other times, yielding in an argument, being the first to ask for forgiveness, listening even when we are tired, or giving time to the other when we would rather get on with our own things. These are small everyday «sell your possessions» moments: letting go of something of myself so that the other person can receive love.

The Gospel invites us today to move from a marriage based on «I do my part» to a marriage based on «I give myself to you». It is not about doing more things, but about allowing Christ to teach us to love in a new way.

Brought Down to Married Life

Joseph: Margaret, I have been thinking about yesterday’s argument all day.

Margaret: So have I. And it saddens me that over something which, deep down, was not that important, we ended up hurting each other.

Joseph: I think yesterday I was more concerned with proving that I was right than with listening to you and loving you.

Margaret: And I was the same. I wanted you to acknowledge that I was right, and I stopped seeing you as my husband and started seeing you almost as someone I had to defend myself against.

Joseph: I realise now that what the Lord wants is not for me simply to follow some rules, but to surrender whatever my heart is clinging to. I can say: «I work, I fulfil my responsibilities, I look after the family…». But perhaps Jesus is asking me: «And what are you lacking in order to truly love Margaret?».

Margaret: Perhaps you need to let go of your need always to be right.

Joseph: (Smiles.) Yes. And perhaps you need to let go of your need for everything to be done the way you think it should be done.

Margaret: You’re right. But I find it difficult.

Joseph: So do I. I always tend to want to hold on to my pride, my reasons, my little securities…

Margaret: Yesterday I went to bed thinking: «Let him make the first move». And this morning I realised that I was waiting for you to change so that I could go back to loving you peacefully.

Joseph: And I was waiting for exactly the same thing.

Margaret: Forgive me for the things I said to you yesterday. I do not want my pride to be more important than our marriage.

Joseph: And you forgive me too. I listened to you in order to answer you, not in order to understand you. And that is not loving as Jesus asks us to love.

Mother,

give us a humble heart to ask for forgiveness, a generous heart to give ourselves, and a patient heart to begin again each day.