Spouses with Christ

In this Gospel, we see how Jesus allowed Himself to be accompanied by His disciples, and also by women who served Him with their own possessions. And here we might ask ourselves: surely Christ, Lord of the universe, King of kings, Lord of lords, does He really need us to accomplish His work? Well, yes. He needs our “Yes” so that He can work in us and then continue His work through us. Christ remains with us in the sacraments, and especially in our marriage, our sacrament, so that He can give Himself to us. But He needs our “Yes” in order to transform us and our marriage. And through our marriage, He also works in others: in our children, our family, our friends, those around us…

Dear spouses, Christ needs us for the salvation of our marriage and of the whole world! As Saint Augustine said regarding the Creator: “He who created you without you will not save you without you.”

Applied to Married Life:

Paul: You know, Bethany…

Bethany: Yes, Paul?

Paul: When I look back, I can only give thanks for all these years in which we have been deepening our understanding of our Sacrament and coming to know the Lord and His Heart more deeply. And now that we are going deeper into the catechises of the second cycle, we are beginning to fall in love with the Heart of Christ, who never ceases to give Himself. How many fruits we are seeing!

Bethany: Yes, I can see so many fruits in your heart and in our marriage.

Paul: Yes, but not only in us. How many fruits we are seeing in our children!

Bethany: It is wonderful to see His work and to see all the visible fruits, as well as those we cannot see, the invisible ones, which I am sure are countless.

Paul: Thank you, Bethany, for your perseverance.

Bethany: And thank you, Paul, for your openness and docility.

Paul and Bethany give thanks together to the Lord for everything He is doing in their hearts, in their marriage, and in their family… for having said “Yes” to Him.

Mother,

Thank you for your intercession. Help us to say “Yes” to your Son, “Yes” to Love, so that little by little our hearts may be transformed by Him. Praised be the Lord.

Lord, Let Me React Now

Jesus, what are You trying to tell me in this Gospel?

Lord, help me wake up now. Help me to give You thanks for everything, and to make the most of every moment by giving myself to You, especially when it is least convenient for me, where it is most difficult for m

Thank You, Jesus, for my suitable helper, the person You have chosen so that I may learn to love, to yield, to forgive, to welcome, and to give myself. Without his/her help, it would be impossible. I would remain selfish and would never stop focusing on myself.

Please, Lord. Let me react now. Give me the grace to recognize that what prevents me from being happy is my own self-love and selfishness, not the weakness of my spouse. And from there, give me the strength to persevere in a life of prayer and the sacraments, formation, mortification, and works of love. And through all this, You will work miracles in me.

Thank You very much, Lord.

Applied to Married Life:

Megan: Adam, if you could start your marriage again today, what would you do differently?

Adam: Without a doubt, I would put the Lord at the centre. It seems so obvious to me. If this is about learning to love, I would put at the centre of my life the One who truly is Love, the One who can teach me how to love. And that is Jesus. The deepest longing in my heart is to love you greatly and to be loved by you. And only Jesus can teach me how to do that.

Megan: I love that. I completely agree. Since He told us that He makes all things new and that nothing is impossible for Him, let us place our marriage in His hands now. Without waiting any longer. Without worrying about the mistakes of the past.

Adam: Then let’s do it. It’s so obvious that there is nothing more important! And we know that, in order to achieve this, the first thing is to acknowledge our poverty, our sinfulness. From there, we can listen to Him and begin a life of prayer, living the sacraments, formation so that we can understand His plan, and purification so that our sinful actions may be transformed into virtue and works of love.

Megan: Let’s do it! This isn’t just a theory. He couldn’t make it any clearer. Let’s simply do His will, and you’ll see where He will lead our marriage.

Mother,

Please, we want a marriage as beautiful as God intended it to be. Help us place ourselves in the hands of your Son so that we may achieve it. Blessed and praised be God!

Strip oneself of Everything

Jesus stripped Himself of everything He had before going to the Father, even of His most precious treasure, His Mother. But He did not simply leave her behind. Instead, He entrusted her to His beloved disciple and, in doing so, gave her as a gift to all humanity, so that she could always care for each and every one of us.

We spouses are also called to live this kind of self-giving: to leave behind the “I”, my rights, my plans, my preferences… in order to build a true “we.” This does not mean ceasing to be who we are, but discovering that we reach our fullness when we learn to make ourselves a gift for the other.

How difficult it is for us to let go! There is always some little aspects of our lives that we want to keep for ourselves. That is why everything begins in prayer. Let us learn to surrender ourselves completely to the Lord, because even in our self-giving to Him, we often keep some hidden aspects that we find difficult to offer Him.

Applied to Married Life:

After praying together as a couple.

Helen: You know, this Gospel has made me remember those second Saturdays of the month that were reserved for you and your friends…

Frank: Oh, sweetheart, you’re right! How badly I misunderstood what it meant to give myself out!

Helen: The truth is that, at the time, I thought I was handling it really well. On top of that, I used to boast to my friends about what a good wife I was, “letting you have” one Saturday a month with your friends. But deep down, I was actually finding it really difficult.

Frank: I had no idea, Helen! You know, thinking back to that time, there were quite a few occasions when I really couldn’t be bothered to go, because it had become a routine, something that I “had to do,” and the plan was always the same… If I had known you were struggling with it, I wouldn’t have gone. I’m so sorry!

Helen: Don’t be sorry, Frank. It’s just that, at that time, nobody had explained to us all these things that we are learning now through Marital Love Project. I was convinced that giving up one day a month with you was a good thing, so that you could have your own space and time to rest, or at least, that’s what I had been told. But I understand now that our space should be shared between the two of us, and if you need to have a space that is just yours, it should be to spend it with God.

Frank: Yes, sweetheart. Our self-giving is to the Lord and to our spouse, and then to our family. With you, I am called to become one flesh, not with my friends… I’m not saying I should abandon them, but keeping a space just for myself, I can see now that it doesn’t really fit with the meaning of our sacrament.

Mother,

Help us to surrender ourselves completely to the Lord, so that we may know how to give ourselves fully in our marriage. Glory and praise to the Lord!

From the Gospel according to John 3:13-17

Exaltation of the Holy Cross

Today we celebrate the Exaltation of the Holy Cross as a sign of the extraordinary love that God has for us. This Gospel reveals to us how God loves and, therefore, how we are called to love in marriage: a love that gives itself, lifts the other person up, and seeks their salvation rather than their condemnation.

The word “give” takes on a very profound meaning. Loving one’s husband or wife does not simply consist of feeling affection, having beautiful moments together, or seeking our own happiness as a couple. To love is to give ourselves to the other person, to place our own lives at the service of their good, and to learn, little by little, to give our lives for the other.

Jesus speaks of being “lifted up,” because although the cross seems to be a place of defeat and death, it becomes the place where Jesus reveals the greatest love: He gives His life to save us.

Every marriage has moments of “desert”: tiredness, arguments, wounds, disappointments, financial difficulties, family concerns… And in those moments, we can fall into the temptation of looking only at the other person’s faults: “Look what you have done to me,” “It’s your fault,” “You always do the same thing.” But Jesus invites us to lift our eyes toward Him.

The cross reminds us that true love does not mean that there will never be difficulties, but rather that love can pass through those difficulties without ceasing to love.

We can choose either to close ourselves in on ourselves or to lift our love higher: to ask for forgiveness even when we believe we are right, to listen when we are tired, to give up our comfort for the good of the other, to care for our spouse in their vulnerability, or to remain faithful when we are going through a difficult season.

Applied to Married Life:

Molly: I’m seeing more and more clearly that our model to follow, and the way we are called to love, is the way Christ teaches us in the Gospel. God gave Himself so that we, too, may give ourselves to one another.

Leo: Yes. And I’m also seeing more and more clearly that, in our marriage, this has to show itself in the little things. Sometimes giving my life for you doesn’t mean doing something extraordinary, but listening to you even when I’m tired, giving in, helping you, or simply being there.

Molly: And something I’m learning from Jesus is that He did not come to judge, but to save. Because we often do exactly the opposite: we judge each other.

Leo: Absolutely. During an argument, it’s so easy to think, “You always do this,” or “It’s your fault.” And perhaps Jesus invites us to change the question: not “Who is to blame?” but “How would Christ act in this situation?”

Molly: That changes things a lot. Because when I stop wanting to be right, I can begin to seek you instead.

Leo: And that’s where the cross comes in. Not as something we have to go looking for, but as those moments when loving becomes difficult. That’s where we can decide whether to move away from each other or draw closer.

Molly: And we have to try to learn to look at each other as He looks at us.

Leo: Yes. With our faults, our wounds, and our limitations… but without ever ceasing to believe that the other person is a gift from God to me, just as they are.

Molly: And now, as the ultimate proof that we are learning to love each other…

Leo: What?

Molly: I’ll let you suggest what we watch on television tonight.

Leo: Now that is a truly redemptive act of self-sacrifice!

Molly: Well… don’t get too excited. I said suggest, not choose whatever you want.

Leo: Ah… then we still have a long way to go on the road to holiness.

Mother,

teach us to give ourselves without reservation, and to lift each other up when the cross comes. Praised be the Cross of Christ.