Not Only to Fulfil, but to GIVE ONESELF

This Gospel places before us a question that a married couple can also ask: «What am I lacking?». The young man apparently has everything: he keeps the commandments and leads a good life, but he discovers that eternal life does not consist simply in fulfilling, but in giving oneself.

Something similar can happen to us in marriage. We can fulfil our responsibilities, be faithful, keep the household going, care for the children, work and look after one another… and yet Jesus asks us something deeper: are you willing to give your life for your spouse? Because marital love is not limited to doing what is expected of us. It is called to become a gift.

The young man asks: «What am I lacking?». And Jesus points out what he is clinging to: his wealth. We too can have our own «riches» that make it difficult for us to give ourselves: my time, my plans, my comfort, my way of doing things, my need to be right, my wounds, my expectations of the other… They are not always bad things. The problem arises when we put them before love.

In married life, following Jesus means learning to let go of whatever prevents us from loving. Sometimes it will mean giving up a hurtful word; at other times, yielding in an argument, being the first to ask for forgiveness, listening even when we are tired, or giving time to the other when we would rather get on with our own things. These are small everyday «sell your possessions» moments: letting go of something of myself so that the other person can receive love.

The Gospel invites us today to move from a marriage based on «I do my part» to a marriage based on «I give myself to you». It is not about doing more things, but about allowing Christ to teach us to love in a new way.

Brought Down to Married Life

Joseph: Margaret, I have been thinking about yesterday’s argument all day.

Margaret: So have I. And it saddens me that over something which, deep down, was not that important, we ended up hurting each other.

Joseph: I think yesterday I was more concerned with proving that I was right than with listening to you and loving you.

Margaret: And I was the same. I wanted you to acknowledge that I was right, and I stopped seeing you as my husband and started seeing you almost as someone I had to defend myself against.

Joseph: I realise now that what the Lord wants is not for me simply to follow some rules, but to surrender whatever my heart is clinging to. I can say: «I work, I fulfil my responsibilities, I look after the family…». But perhaps Jesus is asking me: «And what are you lacking in order to truly love Margaret?».

Margaret: Perhaps you need to let go of your need always to be right.

Joseph: (Smiles.) Yes. And perhaps you need to let go of your need for everything to be done the way you think it should be done.

Margaret: You’re right. But I find it difficult.

Joseph: So do I. I always tend to want to hold on to my pride, my reasons, my little securities…

Margaret: Yesterday I went to bed thinking: «Let him make the first move». And this morning I realised that I was waiting for you to change so that I could go back to loving you peacefully.

Joseph: And I was waiting for exactly the same thing.

Margaret: Forgive me for the things I said to you yesterday. I do not want my pride to be more important than our marriage.

Joseph: And you forgive me too. I listened to you in order to answer you, not in order to understand you. And that is not loving as Jesus asks us to love.

Mother,

give us a humble heart to ask for forgiveness, a generous heart to give ourselves, and a patient heart to begin again each day.