Gospel

‘I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.’
Matthew 18:21–19:1

At that time: Peter came up and said to Jesus, ‘Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.
  ‘Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, “Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.” And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, “Pay what you owe.” So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, “Have patience with me, and I will pay you.” He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, “You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?” And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.’
  Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.

The Gospel of the Lord

Forgive from the Heart.

Peter asks Jesus how many times he must forgive, as though love could be measured with a calculator. Sometimes in marriage it is easy to keep a tally of our wounds: “I’m always the one who gives in”, “you never listen to me”, “I still haven’t forgiven you for that”, and without realising it, we turn our relationship into a balance sheet of debts. The king forgives an unpayable debt, but the servant is unable to forgive a small debt. Jesus does not compare the offences between husband and wife with something insignificant; rather, He invites us to contemplate how every wound we receive is illuminated by the immense forgiveness God grants us each day. When God’s mercy is no longer at the centre of our marriage, we begin to demand justice from one another. But whoever lives with gratitude for having been forgiven learns to look upon their spouse’s weaknesses with compassion. In married life, the greatest enemy is the small resentment that gradually builds up. Every unresolved argument, every silence, every stored-up reproach builds a wall, but forgiveness breaks that wall because it chooses not to collect the emotional debt. This does not mean justifying what is wrong or avoiding talking about what happened, but deciding that love will be greater than the offence. To forgive always means choosing one’s spouse again and again over pride; it means allowing God’s mercy to pass through our heart before reaching the other person. Only someone who knows that they are deeply loved and forgiven by the Lord can build a marriage where there is always the possibility of beginning again.

Applied to Married Life:

Margaret: James, I’m tired of you always coming home late from work, always with some excuse. It seems as though work is more important than your family. You’ve left us so neglected. I work too, and I make an effort to get everything done. Yet with you it always seems to be the same: lots of apologies, but you still come home late.
James: There’s no winning with you. Believe it or not, I always try to come home earlier, but there’s always something. It gives me peace of mind knowing that you make the effort to get home earlier, but no matter how hard I try, it’s always the same. I feel judged and constantly criticised. Sometimes I think that no matter what I do, it never seems to be enough.
That evening, during their conjugal prayer:
Margaret: Thank You, Lord. In the light of this Gospel, I realise that I’m no longer arguing with James just about today’s delay, but about all the wounds that have been stored up over these weeks of intense work.
James: Lord, I ask for forgiveness many times, but I’m not making concrete changes to show that I mean it. I realise that I always prioritise what I consider important, putting myself before others.
Margaret: Lord, help me to stop bringing up mistakes that have already been forgiven and to give James the opportunity to begin again.
James: Help me, Lord, to put Margaret and our family before my own things and my own self. I ask You to help us make our marriage stand out not because of our debts, but because of God’s mercy.

Mother,
Your Son never tires of forgiving us. Help us to experience the immensity of God’s mercy each day, so that we may offer that mercy to one another. Give us a humble heart that knows how to ask for forgiveness, and a merciful heart that knows how to grant it. Blessed be God