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Am I Fooling Myself? Reflection for marriages. Mathew 22:34-40

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From the Gospel according to Matthew 22:34-40

When the Pharisees heard that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together, and one of them, a scholar of the law, tested him by asking, “Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?” He said to him, “You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and the first commandment. The second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. The whole law and the prophets depend on these two commandments.”

The Gospel of the Lord

Am I Fooling Myself?

How many times did people try to trap Jesus, and yet He never fell into their game instead, He brought light with the Truth, which is eternal.
In the same way, He speaks to us today, in our own time. And in our vocation as spouses, to live the first commandment we necessarily have to live the second and vice versa.
We cannot love our spouse if we don’t first love God, who is the very source of Love. And we cannot say we love God if we do not love our spouse. The way I love my spouse is the way I reflect God’s Love. Because the one who says he loves God but does not love his spouse (his closest neighbor) is fooling himself.

Applied to Married Life:

Ethan: Good morning, love! Since it’s Sunday, I’m going to Mass and then I told Oscar I’d play a game of tennis with him. Is that okay?

Claire: Wait, what? Ethan, the other day we agreed that today, after Mass, we’d spend some time together. It’s one of the few days we can actually relax…

Ethan: I know, Claire, but Oscar told me he’s going through something and wanted to meet up to talk. So I don’t know what time I’ll be back.

Claire: Well, I don’t really like it, but if you think it’s necessary…

(Later, when he comes back home after Mass)

Ethan: Love, forgive me. While I was praying at Mass, the Lord made me realize that this morning I wasn’t really loving you. And if I truly want to love God, I have to do it through you. You know what? I’m going to tell Oscar that we already had plans, and if he wants, we can meet some other day for lunch or something. Okay?

Claire: Oh, thank you, Ethan! Finally, we’ll get some quiet time together. We’ve been so busy lately. I love you.

Ethan: Thank you, Claire, for helping me draw closer to the Lord through you.

Mother,

You who lived these commandments perfectly, help us to always keep them in mind and to live them fully.
Praise be the Lord forever!

A Dignified and Pure Life. Reflection for marriages. Matthew 22:1-14

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From the Gospel according to Matthew 22:1-14

Jesus again in reply spoke to the chief priests and the elders of the people in parables saying, “The Kingdom of heaven may be likened to a king who gave a wedding feast for his son. He dispatched his servants to summon the invited guests to the feast, but they refused to come. A second time he sent other servants, saying, ‘Tell those invited: “Behold, I have prepared my banquet, my calves and fattened cattle are killed, and everything is ready; come to the feast.”’ Some ignored the invitation and went away, one to his farm, another to his business. The rest laid hold of his servants,
mistreated them, and killed them. The king was enraged and sent his troops, destroyed those murderers, and burned their city.
Then the king said to his servants, ‘The feast is ready, but those who were invited were not worthy to come. Go out, therefore, into the main roads
and invite to the feast whomever you find.’ The servants went out into the streets and gathered all they found, bad and good alike, and the hall was filled with guests. But when the king came in to meet the guests he saw a man there not dressed in a wedding garment. He said to him, ‘My friend, how is it that you came in here without a wedding garment?’ But he was reduced to silence. Then the king said to his attendants, ‘Bind his hands and feet, and cast him into the darkness outside, where there will be wailing and grinding of teeth.’ Many are invited, but few are chosen.”

The Gospel of the Lord

A Dignified and Pure Life

While preparing this reflection, another Gospel passage comes to mind (Jn 14:2–3), where Jesus tells His disciples, and tells us, that He is going to prepare a place for us, and that He will return to take us with Him, so that where He is, we also may be. The Lord constantly shows us His desire for us to be with Him and the Father. He never stops looking for us. He reveals to us His Heart, burning with Love, and pleads with us through St. Margaret Mary Alacoque, “At least you, love me.”
In connection with the phrase: “Many are called, but few are chosen.” St. John Chrysostom said: “With these words the Lord does not want to discourage us, but to warn us: it is not enough to be called and to have entered; it is also necessary to remain with the wedding garment, that is, with a dignified and pure life.” (Homilies on Matthew, hom. 69,2)

Applied to Married Life:

Paul: This new life revealed to us through the catecheses of St. John Paul II, interpreted through the lens of marriage, never ceases to amaze me. When I read and pray with them, my heart fills with the desire for a better life. They help me see life differently and they help me see you differently.

Karen: Yes, it’s wonderful. How it has changed us and changed our marriage! Now, whenever suspicion creeps in between us, we already know what’s happening and what we need to do.

Paul: Yes, we need to put on the wedding garment.

Karen (looking puzzled): The wedding garment? I don’t get it.

Paul: Yes, to recover our dignity and purity of heart. To renew our desire to give ourselves fully to one another, leaning on grace.

Karen: Oh, what a scare! I thought you meant putting on my actual wedding dress. Who knows how it would even fit me now. If I could even get into it! hahahahaha.

Paul: Well, just imagine me trying to fit into mine! hahahahaha.

Mother,

You, who are the Immaculate Conception, the most dignified creature God has ever made, help us to long for a life that is dignified and pure, and to give ourselves completely to one another for the greater glory of the Father. Blessed be your Son Jesus, who never ceases to seek us.

What Glasses Am I Wearing? Reflection for marriages. Matthew 20:1-16

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From the Gospel according to Matthew 20:1-16

Jesus told his disciples this parable: “The Kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out at dawn to hire laborers for his vineyard. After agreeing with them for the usual daily wage, he sent them into his vineyard. Going out about nine o’clock, he saw others standing idle in the marketplace, and he said to them, ‘You too go into my vineyard, and I will give you what is just.’ So they went off. And he went out again around noon, and around three o’clock, and did likewise. Going out about five o’clock, he found others standing around, and said to them, ‘Why do you stand here idle all day?’ They answered, ‘Because no one has hired us.’ He said to them, ‘You too go into my vineyard. ‘When it was evening the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, ‘Summon the laborers and give them their pay, beginning with the last and ending with the first.’ When those who had started about five o’clock came, each received the usual daily wage. So when the first came, they thought that they would receive more, but each of them also got the usual wage. And on receiving it they grumbled against the landowner, saying, ‘These last ones worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us, who bore the day’s burden and the heat.’ He said to one of them in reply, ‘My friend, I am not cheating you. Did you not agree with me for the usual daily wage? Take what is yours and go. What if I wish to give this last one the same as you? Or am I not free to do as I wish with my own money? Are you envious because I am generous?’ Thus, the last will be first, and the first will be last.”

The Gospel of the Lord

What Glasses Am I Wearing?

Why does Jesus tell us these parables that can so easily make us identify with those who complain, with those who don’t understand? Because He knows our tendency to look at things with our own “reasonable” human criteria, which often hide a self-centered perspective that doesn’t step into the other person’s shoes. Jesus wants to pull us out of that way of looking and teach us to look as He looks: with a gaze that isn’t turned inward, that seeks the good of others, that looks to the heart instead of stopping at the surface.
Those workers who hadn’t been hired must have been anxious all day, not knowing what they would eat. The others already had a job, already knew they’d have food that day. And when the latecomers were finally hired, they must have felt so relieved knowing they’d have something to take home. What joy when they received their pay! That’s why the first ones should have rejoiced with them, right?
That’s how God calls me to see, with His love, which isn’t self-centered but steps into the other’s place and gives of itself. That’s the path to true happiness.
What about me? Do I put myself in my spouse’s shoes? Do I look with my selfish glasses, or do I put on God’s glasses the ones that see from the heart and to the heart?

 
Applied to Married Life

Oscar: (angrily) I can’t believe it. Your daughter speaks so badly right away! And you always defend her!
Helen: (thinking) He can’t have that temper, he just can’t talk like that! He explodes so fast. Mother, what should I do? I need to put on God’s glasses to see his heart. He’s suffering. He’s right, even if his way of saying it isn’t. Poor guy, he knows. How many times in prayer have I heard him tell the Lord how hard he fights against his temper! So I need to show him my support in front of our daughter, even if his way of expressing it is hard for me.
Helen: Come on, honey, you’re right. But please, don’t get so worked up. I’ll talk to her because what she did wasn’t okay. You’re the best husband and the best father in the world! You’re already managing to get a handle on your temper, and you’ll see one day you’ll overcome it completely.
Oscar: Thank you so much, Helen. You’re so sweet. You really help me. But please, do talk to her. I know it’s hard for you, but you know we have to. And she listens to you more. Do it for the Lord and for me.
Helen: Of course. You’re right. It’s hard for me, but I’ll speak to her firmly, because her behavior can’t continue. For you. For the Lord. I love you so much, my love.

Mother,

What a joy to see how, holding your hand, this path of prayer and sacraments and also of mortification to overcome my selfishness is bearing fruit… Thank you forever, Mother! Praise be the Lord!

Only God Can. Reflection for marriages. Matthew 19:23-30

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From the Gospel according to Matthew. Mt. 19:23-30

Jesus said to his disciples: “Amen, I say to you, it will be hard for one who is rich to enter the Kingdom of heaven. Again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for one who is rich to enter the Kingdom of God.” 

When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and said, “Who then can be saved?” 

Jesus looked at them and said, “For men this is impossible, but for God all things are possible.”

Then Peter said to him in reply, “We have given up everything and followed you. What will there be for us?”

Jesus said to them, “Amen, I say to you that you who have followed me, in the new age, when the Son of Man is seated on his throne of glory, will yourselves sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands for the sake of my name will receive a hundred times more, and will inherit eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last will be first.”

Ther Gospel of the Lord.

 

Only God Can.

How many times have we heard the words “the first will be last, and the last will be first” and actually put them into practice? Probably more than once. But… do we also live it out with our spouse? We’ve been given the incredible grace of being called to the vocation of marriage, and that is such a gift, because through our spouse we’re purified. The Lord works on our (lack of) logic, on our attachments, on our ego… teaching us to become “the last,” letting go of that “wealth” of pride and self. Little by little, He empties us of ourselves so He can fill us with Himself and act in us and through us.
“Whoever leaves houses, brothers or sisters, father or mother, wife, children or fields for my sake…” Let’s drop the weights we carry. We did marry to become one flesh! We have to understand that our first priority is our spouse. He or she comes first and if the two of us are well, then everything else becomes possible, or at least much easier to carry.

St. Teresa used to say “God alone is enough.” We say: “Only God can.” Because with our own strength, we just end up frustrated and defeated. But when we truly abandon ourselves into the hands of the Lord, we bear witness that everything is possible!

 

Applied to Married Life:

Melissa: Honey, I thank God that He’s helping us strip away our selfishness and learn to put each other first.
Mark: Yeah, it’s sad to see couples who really love each other but end up always fighting; each one trying to impose their opinion instead of bowing their head and asking first what God’s will is in that moment.
Melissa: We know we’re weak, made of clay, and we have to keep praying together, because at any moment we could fail.
Mark: Having our times of prayer, and making those little daily sacrifices, giving up what I want or what I think is “fair”, helps us stay on the path. But like you said, we’ve still got a long way to go.

Melissa: Exactly. On our own it’s impossible. That’s why we need to keep seeking Him, with joy and with the hope that He makes all things new.

 

Mother,
We ask you to walk with us on this journey of dettachment from ourselves, so that the glory of the Lord can shine in us. Praise be the Lord!

Not being attached to possesions. Reflection for marriages. Matthew 19:16-22

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From the Gospel according to Matthew. Mt. 19:16-22

A young man approached Jesus and said, “Teacher, what good must I do to gain eternal life?”
He answered him, “Why do you ask me about the good? There is only One who is good. If you wish to enter into life, keep the commandments.”
He asked him, “Which ones?”
And Jesus replied, “You shall not kill; you shall not commit adultery; you shall not steal; you shall not bear false witness; honor your father and your mother; and you shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
The young man said to him, “All of these I have observed. What do I still lack?”
Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
When the young man heard this statement, he went away sad, for he had many possessions. 

The Gospel of the Lord.

 

Not being attached to possesions.

 

Let’s start by answering Jesus if we’re really living out the commandments that relate to loving my spouse. In marriage, these commandments take on a very real and practical meaning: “do not kill” means not hurting with words or attitudes; “do not commit adultery” means being faithful not only physically, but also emotionally and spiritually; “honor” means mutual respect. Living out these commandments isn’t supposed to feel like a burden, it’s actually the foundation of a holy marriage. But Jesus doesn’t just ask us to “follow the rules”; He asks us to give ourselves completely to each other.
That call to perfection in marriage, that “sell everything” moment, means giving ourselves to one another without holding back. It means letting go of “our possessions”, our selfishness, individualism, personal comforts so that together we can build a love rooted in unity. Therefore we have to strip away whatever stands in the way of full communion. Sometimes that can be a career that takes over everything, unresolved past relationships, habits we keep to ourselves, or wounds that haven’t healed. Marital love demands detachment not just from material things, but from anything that keeps us from giving ourselves fully.

Many marriages suffer and grow sad because one or both spouses just won’t let go of their “many possessions.” Selfishness, pride, or the need to always be in control can steal joy. The rich young man walked away sad because he couldn’t give himself completely. How many marriages today are hurting for the same reason that one or both aren’t willing to give their all?

 

Applied to Married Life:

 

Isabella: Jack, I see you’re sad, and I don’t know what to do to help.
Jack: Yeah, Inma… it’s just always the same: you always have to be right about everything, and I’m left having to just shut up and take it, because if I don’t, we start fighting.
Isabella: But Pablo, that’s not really true. I try to do things the right way, and maybe sometimes I come across too strong, but honestly I don’t mean to impose my way on you. Look, why don´t we ask the Lord tonight, when we pray together, to show us what He’s asking of us and shed some light on this situation?
That night, after reading and reflecting on the Gospel of the rich young man, they pray together as a couple:
Jack: Lord, I realize you don’t want me to be sad. My sadness probably comes from my pride, from not being able to take Inma’s comments and requests. If I weren’t so attached to always being right, this wouldn’t bother me so much.
Isabella: Lord, thank you for Pablo. When I come before you, I can clearly see that he’s the gift you gave me to help me get out of myself, to let go of my selfishness, and to strip away my ego, which is still way too big. Please help me to always put Pablo first, and stop being so focused on myself.

Jack: Thank you, Lord, for Isabella and for the light you’ve given me during this time of prayer. I ask you to help me let go of my attachments so I can love Inma the way you love her.

 

Mother,

you had no attachments, only God. Help me and teach me to see where my attachments are, and to slowly let them go, so I can always do God’s will. Praise be the Lord!