A reading from the holy Gospel according to John 3:1–8
There was a Pharisee named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews.
He came to Jesus at night and said to him,
“Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher who has come from God,
for no one can do these signs that you are doing
unless God is with him.”
Jesus answered and said to him,
“Amen, amen, I say to you,
unless one is born from above, he cannot see the Kingdom of God.”
Nicodemus said to him,
“How can a man once grown old be born again?
Surely he cannot reenter his mother’s womb and be born again, can he?”
Jesus answered,
“Amen, amen, I say to you,
unless one is born of water and Spirit
he cannot enter the Kingdom of God.
What is born of flesh is flesh
and what is born of spirit is spirit.
Do not be amazed that I told you,
‘You must be born from above.’
The wind blows where it wills,
and you can hear the sound it makes,
but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes;
so it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.
To be born anew, again and again
When Jesus speaks of “being born again”, it is a direct call to each one of us: love cannot be sustained only by what it was at the beginning; it needs to be reborn constantly. The “yes” of the wedding day is not enough — we must choose one another again.
Nicodemus thinks in a literal way (“How can one return to the womb?”), just as we often do: “this is just how it is”, “this is how I am”, “this is how the relationship is”. But Jesus opens up another dimension: it is not about repeating the past, but about allowing something new to happen from within. We must allow love to be purified (water), cleansing wounds, resentments, and reproaches; and we must allow love to be lifted up (Spirit). Jesus speaks of the Spirit, confirming that this new birth is not something we achieve by ourselves, but something that is accomplished in Him. In fact, “to be born” is a verb that hides its passivity, because properly speaking, “we are born”: we owe our birth to our mother, who labours and brings us into life. And this new birth we owe to the Holy Spirit, who gradually disposes us towards a different way of living — a way of living in the freedom God originally dreamed for us, enabling us to love more freely, more patiently, and more generously.
Jesus reminds us that if a relationship remains only at a superficial level (attraction, routine, cohabitation), it becomes impoverished (“What is born of the flesh is flesh…”). But when the “Spirit” enters — self-giving, forgiveness, openness to the other as they are — love is transformed. A living marriage is one that allows itself to be renewed time and again, one that learns to “be born again” together, even after crises, weariness, or the passing of years.
Applied to married life:
Paloma: Alfonso… I feel that lately we’ve been on autopilot, don’t you? As if everything has become routine.
Alfonso: Yes… like when I put the car on autopilot… although ours doesn’t even have that.
Paloma: (laughs) Something like that… but seriously, it saddens me that we might lose what we once had.
Alfonso: Me too. But I was thinking today… perhaps we need to “start again”.
Paloma: Start again? That reminds me of “being born again”… as if God were giving us another opportunity within the same marriage.
Alfonso: Another opportunity? Are we going to have another marriage now? At our age, that sounds exhausting.
Paloma: (smiles) Silly… no, seriously. I think it means allowing God to renew what we have from within — not just changing external things.
Alfonso: So… fewer arguments about silly things and more… loving each other better?
Paloma: Yes. Clearing away what weighs us down… and making space for something new. As if love could begin again, but more deeply — asking God for help, because on our own we won’t manage.
Alfonso: Well, I could do with that… because sometimes there’s more “flesh” than “spirit” in me.
Paloma: That happens to all of us. But if we let God breathe… even if we cannot control it, He can do something beautiful in us.
Alfonso: So… shall we begin again?
Paloma: Let us choose each other again. And this time, with God at the centre.
Alfonso: Alright… but just so it’s clear — if we are “born again”, I’m not changing any nappies!
Prayer
Mother,
grant that, like you, we may trust even when we do not understand everything, and allow the Spirit to renew our lives.
Blessed are you, Lord, for these lights you inspire within us.