From the Gospel according to John 3:13-17
Exaltation of the Holy Cross
Today we celebrate the Exaltation of the Holy Cross as a sign of the extraordinary love that God has for us. This Gospel reveals to us how God loves and, therefore, how we are called to love in marriage: a love that gives itself, lifts the other person up, and seeks their salvation rather than their condemnation.
The word “give” takes on a very profound meaning. Loving one’s husband or wife does not simply consist of feeling affection, having beautiful moments together, or seeking our own happiness as a couple. To love is to give ourselves to the other person, to place our own lives at the service of their good, and to learn, little by little, to give our lives for the other.
Jesus speaks of being “lifted up,” because although the cross seems to be a place of defeat and death, it becomes the place where Jesus reveals the greatest love: He gives His life to save us.
Every marriage has moments of “desert”: tiredness, arguments, wounds, disappointments, financial difficulties, family concerns… And in those moments, we can fall into the temptation of looking only at the other person’s faults: “Look what you have done to me,” “It’s your fault,” “You always do the same thing.” But Jesus invites us to lift our eyes toward Him.
The cross reminds us that true love does not mean that there will never be difficulties, but rather that love can pass through those difficulties without ceasing to love.
We can choose either to close ourselves in on ourselves or to lift our love higher: to ask for forgiveness even when we believe we are right, to listen when we are tired, to give up our comfort for the good of the other, to care for our spouse in their vulnerability, or to remain faithful when we are going through a difficult season.
Applied to Married Life:
Molly: I’m seeing more and more clearly that our model to follow, and the way we are called to love, is the way Christ teaches us in the Gospel. God gave Himself so that we, too, may give ourselves to one another.
Leo: Yes. And I’m also seeing more and more clearly that, in our marriage, this has to show itself in the little things. Sometimes giving my life for you doesn’t mean doing something extraordinary, but listening to you even when I’m tired, giving in, helping you, or simply being there.
Molly: And something I’m learning from Jesus is that He did not come to judge, but to save. Because we often do exactly the opposite: we judge each other.
Leo: Absolutely. During an argument, it’s so easy to think, “You always do this,” or “It’s your fault.” And perhaps Jesus invites us to change the question: not “Who is to blame?” but “How would Christ act in this situation?”
Molly: That changes things a lot. Because when I stop wanting to be right, I can begin to seek you instead.
Leo: And that’s where the cross comes in. Not as something we have to go looking for, but as those moments when loving becomes difficult. That’s where we can decide whether to move away from each other or draw closer.
Molly: And we have to try to learn to look at each other as He looks at us.
Leo: Yes. With our faults, our wounds, and our limitations… but without ever ceasing to believe that the other person is a gift from God to me, just as they are.
Molly: And now, as the ultimate proof that we are learning to love each other…
Leo: What?
Molly: I’ll let you suggest what we watch on television tonight.
Leo: Now that is a truly redemptive act of self-sacrifice!
Molly: Well… don’t get too excited. I said suggest, not choose whatever you want.
Leo: Ah… then we still have a long way to go on the road to holiness.
Mother,
teach us to give ourselves without reservation, and to lift each other up when the cross comes. Praised be the Cross of Christ.